Creating Akatsuki
by xotakux2002x
Summary: The first story in the Akatsuki saga, wherein they all come together. Mayhem naturally ensues. AU, kisaita sasodei zettobi kakuhidan peinkonan
1. Prologue

Pein, Konan, and Zetsu were gathered in the living. Zetsu and Konan were lounging on the couch, staring at the auburn-haired man before them, eye sometimes traveling to the books lying on the coffee table between him and them. "Pein, what are we doing here?" Konan asked, folding a sheet of bright green paper into a small dog.

"**This had better be good.** We're ready to listen. **As long as you keep it short.**"

"Alright, I'll explain," Pein said, clearing his throat. "Now, as you two know, I've wanted to build an organization for a while (twin groans were heard from the two teens, only to be quickly silenced by a glare from Pein) and I've had trouble figuring out how to do it."

"Ain't that the truth," Konan muttered, making Zetsu smirk.

"ANYWAY," Pein went on, "it finally hit me what we have to do. In two days, school will start. We're all going to be sophomores; and, by default, the closest to the incoming freshmen. That's where we'll get our members."

Konan raised her hand, frowning. "Yes dear?" The man asked.

"Pein, exactly how do you plan on convincing a bunch of cocky punks to join this organization you're wanting to make?"

The standing man smiled. "Konan, I'll answer that question with a question. What is the one thing that every teenager, no matter their upbringing, intelligence, size, or anything else, wants from their peers?"

Konan furrowed her brow, stopping her origami as she thought. Finally, she finished folding the dog, and set it on the coffee table. "Acceptance," she stated as she grabbed a red piece of paper.

"Correct! Now, besides that, kids have grown up hearing that high school is the best time of their life, right?"

Konan smirked and Zetsu snorted, making Pein smile and nod. "We know that's a load of bull. High school's just fine, if you can make good grades, join a lot of clubs, become super popular, and be Mr. Wonderful who dates Mary Sue and is going to get a full ride to college. To the rest of us, it's a living hell."

"Get to the point!"

"I was!" Pein snapped. "The people who are trapped in the hell of high school are outcasts. Those few students who think differently, look different, aren't what the rest of the world wants. They're _better_, yet stepped on as if they were common dirt. These teens are unwanted, loathed, and alone." A sadistic grin crossed Pein's face. "That's where we come in.

We provide the teens with acceptance, as long as they join our organization. They're surrounded by people who are just like them, which provides security. Finally, their unique 'talents', will help us to gain control of what we want. If we play our cards right, we'll have the whole school by the throat at the end of the year."

Konan and Zetsu could only stare in silence at their leader. "You know, I think it might work," Konan began.

"It's crazy. **Then again, whoever said crazy was bad**…I like it."

"Good," Pein continued, picking up two books and tossing one to each of his friends. "Then start combing through those."

"Pein, are these yearbooks?" Konan asked, setting aside her origami to flip through the pages.

"Yup, and don't ask how I got them," the leader answered, handing her and Zetsu pens. "The high school gets all the students coming in from the three local junior high schools around here. That means we're looking at about 450 kids to go through. You both can pick two that you want to draft."

"Pein, that's take all night!" Zetsu cried.

"Not really. All you have to do is focus on the eighth grade pages. Cross out any pictures of students who appear in any sports or club pictures. In fact, cross out any kids that appear in those cheesy 'standing-in-the-hall-talking-with-my-friends' photos. Remember, we want kids that come to us because they have nothing else." Zetsu and Konan nodded, and Pein grabbed the third yearbook. The search began.

Things remained relatively quiet in the house, save for the occasions sounds of pages being turned, and the soft sound of pen on paper, mostly crossing out photos instead of circling them. Finally, after a good 2 hours of work, the three were done.

"Alright," Pein said, "let's see what we've got. Konan, you can start."

"Alright," she answered, opening her yearbook. "The first one I picked is a kid named Sasori. Sasori Akasuna, to be more exact."

Pein eyed the student's photo and raised a brow. "Why him?"

"Well, I wasn't sure at first what to look for, so I saw his picture and just started looking through the snapshots in the back of the yearbook. I saw one picture with him-"

"That automatically disqualifies him," Zetsu pointed out.

"NO! See, that picture. Look," Konan demanded, finger pointing to a small picture.

The photo itself was normal enough; a group of preppy girls outside the school, smiling and posing for the camera. Sasori was sitting in the background, leaned against a tree with a stern look on his face. Pein stared at it for a few moments, then noticed something in the redhead's hands. "Is that…?"

"Yes, it is," Konan answered softly.

Sasori was carving a block of wood.

"That's interesting," Pein murmured, thinking. "I doubt many other kids around here have that kind of interest. Are you sure he's not in any clubs?"

"Yup. His yearbook picture and that photo are the only time he shows up in here."

"I'll accept that. Zetsu?" the schizo nodded, and Pein turned back to Konan. "You're other choice?"

"This guy. He's name Kakuzu Bernat." Pein looked at the photo.

The kid looked normal enough; minus a pair of creepy green eyes. "He looks like he wants to kill me."

"That's why I think he won't have a lot of friends," Konan explained. "Furthermore, no club or sports shots, even though he looks like he could take out a whole football team on his own."

"I see. Ok, those two are yours. Zetsu?"

The schizo held up his yearbook, and Pein saw that his choices were side by side. "Itachi and Madara 'Tobi' Uchiha. Care to explain?"

"Tobi is a common name. **But have you ever heard someone called Madara? It's weird.** He has a nickname to blend in with people. **Apparently it doesn't work very well, because the little brat's got a mask on too!**"

"And the other?"

"Look at the lines under his eyes. Too perfect to be birthmarks, or scars put there by someone else. Self-inflicted wounds could mean he's alone and depressed. **Perfect for us to use.**"

"Ok, add two Uchihas to the list. Now, for my picks." Pein spun his yearbook around for the others to see. "The first one is Deidara Iwa."

"Pretty girl," Konan remarked.

"Look closer. That's a boy."

The origami creator's eyes went wide. "Oh my god, you're right!"

"**You want a cross-dresser here?**"

"No, I want outcasts. And I'm guessing this kid fits the bill. My other choice is Kisame Hoshigaki." Konan and Zetsu looked over the blue-skinned kid, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that he probably wasn't too popular.

"Is that it?" Konan asked.

"Not quite," Pein replied. "I want an even ten people in this organization. Everyone'll have a…partner, I guess. Someone to second guess their stupid choices, stay with them when the rest of us can't, keep them in check, be a near opposite of them in fact…"

"A ying for their yang?" Konan asked, smirking.

"Yes. We can work out who will have whom later-"

"AHEM!"

"Konan, sweetie, you know you'll be with me."

"I'd better," Konan growled darkly.

"Anyhow," Pein said hurriedly, "I pulled a list of all the kids who have to transfer in from other schools. Once again, don't ask where I got the list. There are a total of 22 students who aren't from the surrounding schools that will start at Konoha High School. 10 are from out of town and just moved here, 7 moved across town and into the zone for KHS, and 4 transferred in due to bullying issues from other schools."

"That still leaves one," Zetsu pointed out.

"And that one has a very interesting reason for starting here," Pein replied, smiling. He held up a small piece of paper, with a list of names written on it. One was circled. "Hidan Neco."

"What's so special about this kid?"

"For one thing, He's a Jashinist. Ever heard of them?" Zetsu and Konan shook their heads. "Neither have I. They're a small religious sect, bent on destruction and pain. A teacher that made the mistake of calling his religion a 'freakish cult' nearly had his eyes gouged out with a mechanical pencil."

"Ouch," Konan said, wincing.

"My sentiments exactly. He's had several messy run-ins with the students in his grade, most of which have ended in trips to the nurses office on both sides. He's coming here for the sake of preserving the lives of those children. They're hoping a new school, where he starts out at the bottom of the food chain, will help mellow him out."

"That's where we come in, right?" Zetsu asked.

"Exactly." Pein tore out the photos in the yearbook and quickly scrawled the names beneath the pictures. "You each are responsible for the kids you picked. Don't tell them anything about our organization; just mingle and try to draw them in. We can worry about bringing them here later."

"Hey, Pein?" Konan asked, raising her hand again.

"Yes?"

"What are we even going to call this group?"

Pein paused, thinking, before snapping his fingers. "Akatsuki. From this moment on, we are Akatsuki."

"Works for me," Konan stated. Zetsu merely shrugged, indicating that he'd accepted the name.

"Good. In that case, we attack at dawn!"

"But school doesn't open until 7," Konan pointed out.

"And it doesn't even start for two more days," Zetsu added.

"…I knew that."


	2. Chapter 1

Pein looked up at the school and smiled. "You two know what to do, right?"

"It's crystal clear, Pein," Zetsu replied.

"So stop worrying, honey," Konan whispered, kissing her boyfriend on the cheek.

"What did I say about doing that in public?" Pein asked, frowning.

"What did I say about chiding me for doing that in public?" Konan hissed, radiating an aura of death.

"**Shut up, both of you.** It's nearly time for school to start."

"Right," Pein said, regaining his composure. "Everyone has their schedules, right?" Three pieces of hospital green paper were held out to be seen. "Ok, Konan has first lunch, I have second, and Zetsu has third. This couldn't have worked out better if it was planned."

"**It was**. I hacked the system to spread us out this semester. **Idiot.**"

"Yes, well…good job."

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

"Ok, there's our cue. Remember, you're only responsible for your choices. If you need to trade, let me know." Konan and Zetsu nodded as they entered the building.

-m-

"Ow, un!" Deidara hissed several choice words under his breath as he walked down the hallway. He had barely even gotten a moment to look at his schedule, since he was constantly bumping into other students in the hallway, most of wish yelled something along the lines of, "Watch it fresh meat!" at him.

"ATTENTION, STUDENTS. THE BELL WILL RING IN THREE MINUTES."

"Crap!" Deidara began running down the hall, trying to get away from the crowd long enough to see where he was going.

WHAM

"OWW!"

"UN!"

Deidara sat up, rubbing his nose. He was about to yell at whoever collided with him, but as he opened his eyes to glare at his attacker, the words seemed to disappear.

The student he'd run in to was a medium height redhead. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a t-shirt, with a pair of tennis shoes to complete the look. "You ok?" the kid asked, frowning at the blonde.

"Yeah, un," Deidara replied, rising to his feet before helping the redhead to his feet. "You?"

"Yes," Sasori managed to get out. _"Damn, it's a guy?!"_ Sasori had only been polite because he thought he'd collided with a female, and in his book, chivalry wasn't dead. The blonde's appearance leaned towards feminine; long blonde hair with bangs partially obscuring one eye, skin tight shirt and black jeans, finished off with a pair of canvas sneakers. If the guy hadn't spoken, Sasori would have addressed the teen as 'miss'.

"Hey, you two!" The boys turned to see a blue haired woman approaching them. "You guys are freshmen, right?"

"Is it that obvious, un?" Deidara groaned.

"Afraid so," she said, smirking. "Let me see your schedules." The teens reluctantly handed them over, and Konan quickly read their class list. "Art 1?"

"Yes," they both answered, giving each other weird looks.

"You guys are lucky. It's two doors down, on the left," Konan said, pointing the room out.

Deidara let out a sigh of relief as Sasori took their schedules. "Thank you," the Akasuna said, handing Deidara's schedule back to the blonde.

"No problem. Hey, my class is right here. I'll pick you guys up after the bell rings and get you to your next class too. It'll save you some time and bruises."

"Thank you, um…"

"Konan. The name's Konan Pacon. And you are..?"

"Deidara Iwa, un."

"And Sasori Akasuna," the redhead added.

"Got it," Konan said, walking into a class. She suddenly reemerged. "By the way, you've got thirty seconds before the bell rings." With that said, she ducked into her room, leaving the artists to dash down the hall. She slipped into a seat in the back of the room, before pulling out her cell phone, texting.

-m-

If Kakuzu's size wasn't enough to scare off anyone that got too close to him, the look in his eyes finished the job. "Great; a building full of cowards and punks. Just what I wanted to deal with," he growled.

Suddenly, a blur flew by him. He turned just in time to see a kid collide with a wall, before sinking to the ground. That was interesting. "Move it assholes!" Kakuzu turned back around to see the strangest kid he'd ever laid eyes on.

The guy was shorter than him by at least a foot, with slicked back silver hair and eyes that were a mix between pink and violet. He was wearing an old leather jacket (no shirt under it) ragged jeans, and battered tennis shoes. "What the hell are you looking at?" the teen asked, frowning up at Kakuzu.

"You. The fifty's ended a long time ago, you know."

The shorter teen's eye twitched. "Your point, dumbass?"

"Just forget it," Kakuzu said, not in the mood for a fight.

"Tch, whatever." The other guy turned back around, and they began walking down the hall. "Dude, stop following me."

"I'm not following you; we're just going the same way," Kakuzu muttered, trying to ignore the smaller teen.

After a few more minutes, the teen turned around again. "Dumbass, I told you to quit following me!"

"We're just going the same way!" Kakuzu snapped.

Finally, after only a few more seconds, the teen spun around once more. "Jashin dammit, beat it!"

"Who the hell is Jashin?"

Kakuzu almost instantly regretted voicing the question. "Jashin is my all-powerful lord, dammit! He smites down bastards the world over, and-"

"Ok, I'm leaving now," Kakuzu said, trying to duck into a classroom, only to collide with the smaller man.  
"Hey, I'm trying to leave like you keep yelling at me too!"

"Well guess what dumbass? This is my first damn class too."

"…"

-m-

The two teens were staring at their teacher, eyes wide. "Dude, the bitch has to be at least a hundred."

"Two hundred," Kakuzu corrected.

"Dude…"

"By the way, my name's Kakuzu, not dude."

"Name's Hidan, dumbass."

"Got it." The larger teen went back to staring at the woman. "I'll bet she croaks before the year's over," he murmured.

"That's a sucker's bet," Hidan replied, pulling out a metal object. Kakuzu started, wondering what the hell the Jashinist was thinking. "Relax, dumbass, it's a comb, not a Jashin-damned knife." To the banker's relief, Hidan flicked out a comb, instead of a switchblade like he'd been expecting.

"MR. NECO!" the elderly teacher screeched. "Is that a knife?!" She began hobbling to the back of the room, only to trip and hit the ground with a crunch and a cry. "AHH! Somebody call the nurse; I think I broke my hip!" Hidan and Kakuzu couldn't restrain themselves and broke out in fits of laughter.

-second period-

Pein's phone began vibrating in his pocket. After making sure the teacher was too caught up in explaining the rules to actually notice what was going on around him, the auburn-haired boy looked at the message. It was from Konan.

"Pein, I met D and S in the hall before class. I saw their schedules; both have my lunch. Trade S for Ka?"

The leader smirked. Konan had decided they'd abbreviate the names of all the recruits, so no one else would catch on. He rapidly began texting back.

"Fine. As long as you get them. Zetsu already met up with T and I. You take S and D. I have Ki, H, and Ka." He smiled as he pushed the send button. It was a pain in the ass to capitalize and not abbreviate, but Konan refused to let them fall victim to IM lingo like every other meat head around the school.

Pein turned back around to listen to the end of his teacher's speech. Something about please don't steal the calculators. Pein raised a brow. "I thought this was science…"

-m-

Itachi looked up and down the hall, waiting for his cousin and the mysterious man that had been showing them around up to now. "ITACHI!"

The said teen moved to the side just in time to avoid being glomped, watching in mild amusement as Tobi collided face first with a locker. "Tobi, what did you promise me before we left the house today?"

"That Tobi would be a good boy for Itachi!" The boy looked his cousin up and down. "Itachi, why don't you wear pretty colors like Tobi?"

The weasel was dressed from head to foot in black, complete with black Tripp pants and a long-sleeved shirt. His ear was pierced, and his long black hair was pulled back into a ponytail. "Because, Tobi, I don't want to look like a rainbow threw up on me."

Tobi was a sharp contrast to his cousin; wearing a tye-dye shirt, and jeans that were discolored from chemicals and paints that had been spilt on them over time. His shoes had once been white, but now had little smiley faces drawn all over them, courtesy of the permanent markers he received as a gift last Christmas. "But Tobi looks like a good boy like this!" the masked teen protested.

"**Are you two done fighting?** I have time to get you to your next classes."

The Uchihas turned to see the schizo looking at them, a calm expression on his face. "Yes," Itachi said, answering for both of them, before following Zetsu down the hall.

-third period-

Kisame was doing his best to ignore the odd looks that students were giving him, but it only helped so much.

He sighed as he dialed in the combination to his locker, swearing as the thing refused to open. It took a few good kicks, but he finally managed to open it.

The shark stowed his books in the locker before looking down at his schedule. His next class was in the tech unit. "Like I know where the hell that is…"

"Need help?" He spun around to see a teen with at least half a dozen facial piercings staring up at him. "I'm guessing you're a freshman," the teen continued.

"Um, yeah," Kisame went on, not used to talking to somebody for so long without hearing a question about his unique skin tone. "The name's Kisame Hoshigaki. You?"

"Pein Pungare," the teen said. "Would you like some help?"

"Yeah," Kisame admitted sheepishly.

"Alright. Follow me," Pein commanded, turning before Kisame could see the wicked smile on his face. Things were going according to plan. Excellent.


	3. Chapter 2

Deidara nervously looked around the lunchroom, trying to stay close to Sasori. "Where do we sit, un?"

"How should I know, brat?"

"Don't call me that, un."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not a brat!" Deidara snapped, frowning at his only friend.

"Deidara? Sasori?"

The artists turned to see a familiar blue-haired woman smiling at them. "KONAN!"

"Hey," she replied.

"We can't seem to shake you," Sasori remarked, masking his relief.

"I didn't know you guys had this lunch," Konan went on, lying through her teeth. "How about we sit together?"

"Why not?" Deidara asked cheerfully, dragging Sasori behind him as they followed Konan to a table. Neither teen would dare refuse the offer of a lunch table to sit at. Say what you want, but there is no worse feeling than standing around in the cafeteria on the first day of school like a complete moron because you can't find somewhere to sit, or any friends to sit with.

"Ok, now just go ahead and make yourselves comfortable," Konan ordered, sitting down at one of the smaller tables that only held four chairs. "First fifteen minutes in here are spent staking your territory. If we leave now, someone else will be here in ten seconds flat." She looked over the two teens, practically grinning as she reeled them in. "So, how's your first day been?"

"Pretty good, un," Deidara replied. "Sasori and I have two classes together so far, and art's first period, un. But everyone keeps bugging me about my 'uns', so that kinda sucks."

"Kids around here suck," Konan replied. "Just try and ignore most of them. That's what I do."

"Konan, do you even have any friends here?" Sasori asked. "I haven't seen you talk to a single other person while we're with you."

Konan frowned at the Akasuna. "I have a boyfriend," she huffed. "And Zetsu."

"Just those two?" Sasori asked incredulously.

"Sasori," Konan went on, "Zetsu and Pein are all I need. You'll find out that good friends are hard to come by around here, so quality really does become more important than quantity."

"I see…"

"Anyway, this has become depressing. Let's go get lunch!" The two males rose and followed Konan through the lunch line, before returning to their table, grateful to find it still vacant.

So," Konan said, munching on her apple, "How'd your day go, Sasori?"

"Fine. At least until the brat started ranting about his explosions being true art-"

"That's because art is brief, un!" Deidara interjected.

"Brat, art is eternal like my puppets!"

"It's a bang, just like my bombs, un!"

"_A bomber and a puppeteer. It appears Pein and I have an eye for talent_," Konan thought, smiling.

"Quit calling me brat, un!" Deidara ordered.

"Or what?" Sasori asked.

"I'll insult you too, un!"

"Try it," Sasori ordered, smirking as his sipped his water.

"Um, bastard! Stick boy! Shrimp, un!"

"The last one doesn't work. You're only an inch taller than me," Sasori pointed out.

"Grr, dammit danna!"

Konan choked on her apple, and Sasori spewed his drink all over the table. "What did you just call me?!"

Deidara blinked a few times before grinning wickedly. "Sasori danna, un."

"Brat, don't call me that!"

"But I like calling you danna, danna, un."

"An artist hack like you should-"

"You're the hack! Art is brief, un!"

"It's eternal!"

"Both of you be quiet!" Konan ordered, crushing her apple in one fist.

"…Brat."

"Danna."

-m-

Pein walked into the cafeteria with Kisame in tow. "Ok, we need to find a few other people to sit with us," Pein explained. "There's no way two people can hold down a lunch table in this place without random people crowding around."

"Ok…" Kisame began looking around. Suddenly he saw a face he recognized and pointed. "Hey, that kid's in my third period!"

Pein looked where the shark was pointing and saw Kakuzu and Hidan. For once, luck appeared to be on his side. _"Maybe it's to make up for the lousy date Konan and I had last week. Did she really have to lock me out of the house? And then change the locks…"_

"Um, Pein? You ok?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine. Let's go see if those two would mind sharing their table with us."

The two walked over to the miser and Jashinist, who appeared to be arguing about something. "Hey, Kakuzu," Kisame said.

The taller man looked up at the two newcomers. "…You're in my third period. Kisame, right?"

"Yup. Hey, my friend Pein and I are kind of stranded. You mind if we sit here?"

"No problem-hey, you're the one that helped Hidan and me earlier today!" Kakuzu said.

"You in some kind of Jashin damned good Samaritan program?" Hidan asked.

"No. It's just easier to help freshmen then shove them aside. Especially when they're bigger than you," Pein explained, directing the last part at Kakuzu and Kisame.

"Whatever," Hidan muttered, pulling out a pocketknife. "Jashin, please accept this sacrifice."

It was then that Kisame and Pein noticed that the brown bag in front of Hidan was moving.

Hidan raised the blade and stabbed the bag, making its contents shriek and squirm before going limp.

All three teens stared at the Jashinist. "Hidan, what was that?"

"My monthly sacrifice," the Jashinist explained, reaching into the bag and pulling out a bloody soup canister.

-m-

Itachi looked around the cafeteria with a bored look on his face, only vaguely aware of what Tobi and Zetsu were talking about. _"I need to talk to that guy alone."_ He turned to his cousin and tapped him on the shoulder. "Tobi, look at that pretty bird outside."

"Where Itachi?!" Tobi asked, looking out the large windows behind their table.

Zetsu watched as Itachi pulled an unlabeled canister out of his pocket and dumped white powder into the masked teen's drink.

Tobi turned back around in his seat, and you could practically see the frown behind his mask. "Itachi, Tobi didn't see anything!"

"It must have flown away," the weasel replied, watching as his cousin drank the milk in front of him.

For a moment, all was calm. Zetsu watched as the masked boy slowly set down his milk carton, then sat perfectly still. "Tobi…"

"Yes?" Zetsu prodded.

"Is…a…"

"What?"

"GOOD BOY!" Tobi jumped out of his seat and took off across the cafeteria, knocking down students and faculty alike. "TobiisagoodboyTobiisagoodboyTOBIISAGOODBOY!" He ducked into the main lunch, and a moment later reemerged with a large container of potatoes. A few choice tosses, and an all-out food fight had begun.

"What did you do?" Zetsu asked.

"I gave him sugar," Itachi explained, holding up his lunch tray in time to block a hamburger that had been aimed at his head. "He's ADHD."

"**Very nice.**"

"I needed to talk with you." The weasel ducked under the table, and Zetsu followed suit. "I'm not an idiot, Zetsu. No one just volunteers to help freshmen like Tobi and me find our way around school. They all hate us. You have an ulterior motive."

"You're quite sharp," Zetsu remarked.

"Tell me or I'll make sure we never speak again," Itachi went on.

"Alright! **God, you really are a little emo.** My friend Pein is forming a group. We'd like you and Tobi to join. That's all I'll say.**For now…**"

"Give me one good reason. I hate groups, I hate people, and most importantly, I hate Tobi."

"**Pein wants both of you in it, so one way or another, you'll join.** What do you want?"

Itachi paused for a moment, thinking. "There's one thing. And I'll only consider joining if you do it…"

-m-

Pein and Konan were in the parking lot, discussing how the day had gone. "I think we have a shot at bringing these people together," she remarked.

"Agreed," Pein said. "And at this rate, things will work out perfectly! Now, where is Zetsu…"

The schizo walked up a few minutes later, looking rather depressed. "What's wrong?" Konan asked, concerned. "Problems with the Uchihas?"

"In a way. **That weasel is pure evil…**"

"What happened?" Pein demanded.

"I was bamboozled into telling Itachi what your plan was."

"WHAT?!"

"Relax! **You sound like a girl when you scream like that**."

"HEY!"

"**Alright, a manly girl.**"

"…"

"**Manlady?**"

"Just explain what happened," Konan ordered.

"Well, I told him about Akatsuki. There's a pretty good chance he'll join. However, we had to do something in exchange for him…"

"What is it?" Pein snapped.

"ZETSU!" Pein and Konan watched as the schizo was glomped by a technicolor blur. "Zetsu, I found you!"

"I noticed. Tobi, meet Pein and Konan. They're your new roommates."


	4. Chapter 3

-days later-

CRASH

"Tobi, get back here!" Zetsu yelled, chasing the boy around upstairs.

BANG

"**Damn brat, come back!**"

BOOM

"I don't even want to know what that was," Pein growled, slamming his head onto the kitchen table.

"At least it's a step towards Akatsuki," Konan remarked, sipping her coffee.

"If nothing else," Pein muttered, sitting up to drink his own coffee. "Tobi's moved in, so that pretty much cements him being in Akatsuki. Plus, Itachi will more or less have to join now, since we took the brat off his hands."

BAM

"But I still wish that kid would SHUT THE HELL UP!" To Pein and Konan's surprise, everything went silent. A moment later, they heard someone coming down the stairs, and Zetsu soon walked into the kitchen, carrying Tobi over his shoulder. "Thank you Zetsu."

"**Whatever,**" Zetsu growled, grabbing two bowls out of the cabinet and setting one of them in front of Tobi. "Tobi, please be a good boy for Pein and eat your cornflakes," Zetsu requested, pouring a bowl of cereal for the kid.

"OK Zetsu!" the Uchiha chirped, munching happily on his breakfast.

-later that day-

Deidara was walking down the hall, trying to hurry to his locker. He'd managed to forget his social studies book, and he had the one teacher in the entire building that actually cared whether or not you brought your book to his class. As he was about to turn the corner, he saw a group of upperclassmen gathered around a locker, with one of them smirking and holding something above his head. He walked closer, frowning as he heard what was being said.

"Give Tobi his mask back!" A small voice cried.

"Ya hear that? This little brat's name is Tobi," the ringleader remarked, smirking as his friends laughed. By now, Deidara could see that the ten called Tobi was backed up against a locker, hands covering his face, and the said mask was being dangled above his head.

With all the grace a person like Deidara could have, the blonde stepped forward, hopped up, plucked the mask away from the upperclassman, and pressed it into Tobi's hands. "Here, un," he whispered, taking off before the teens could come to their senses and retaliate. Tobi took the hint and was gone in a flash, leaving behind half a dozen angry teens.

-

When Deidara arrived in his sixth period, he was surprised to find the boy he'd rescued earlier in the back of the room. _"He wasn't here yesterday; I guess he transferred in."_ Shrugging to himself, Deidara took his seat beside the masked teen, waiting for the final class of the day to be over.

He was surprised when Tobi tossed him a note. "HI!" it read.

Looking up quickly to make sure the teacher was distracted, Deidara wrote a reply. "Hey."

"Thanks for saving Tobi in the hall!"

Deidara smirked before writing his reply. "No problem. Tobi, right? I'm Deidara."

"Hi Deidara sempai!"

Deidara raised a brow. "Sempai?" he wrote back.

"Deidara sempai saved Tobi, so he's Tobi's sempai now!"

"Fine. What happened?"

It took the masked teen a while to write down his answer. "Well, Tobi was waiting for Konan to show up, but she didn't. And while Tobi was waiting, these guys came up, and took Tobi's mask! They weren't good boys like Tobi, because they didn't give it back. Then sempai saved Tobi!"

Deidara shook his head. This kid was something else. Suddenly, something in the note caught his attention. "Konan? Konan Pacon?"

Tobi nodded, then began writing again. "I live with her and Pein and Zetsu!"

"Seriously?! She never told Sasori danna or me about you."

"Who is Sasori danna?"

"Sasori is **my** danna. Not yours. And he's a friend. Now why hasn't she mentioned you?"

"Tobi moved in yesterday, because Itachi threw Tobi out!"

"That explains it. Now, who are Pein and Zetsu?"

"Mr. Iwa, is that a note?!" The teacher barked.

"Tobi, be a good boy and destroy the evidence, un!" Deidara ordered. The masked teen nodded once and popped the note into his mouth, chewing quickly before swallowing the paper.

-

"So, you have to meet Pein, Konan, and Zetsu out here, un?" Deidara asked, looking around.

"Uh-huh! That's what Konan told Tobi," the boy replied in his chipper voice that was already wearing on Deidara's nerves. A flicker of movement caught Deidara's attention, and he turned. Tobi noticed and looked to where Deidara was gazing.

The six teens from earlier were in the parking lot, advancing towards the two of them. "Hey boss! Those are the two from earlier, right?"

"Yeah, you're right," the ringleader said.

Deidara frowned and took a step back. "Tobi, get ready to run, un," he whispered.

"Oh no," the leader replied, smirking as the teens circled the two freshmen. "You guys aren't going anywhere."

"HEY!" the eight teens looked to see a pissed looking Konan and Sasori hurrying over. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Konan demanded, glaring up at the leader.

"Nothing that concerns you, so beat it." He turned back to the blonde and the Uchiha, only to have Konan grab his hair and yank his head backwards. "OWW!"

"I'm still talking to you," she growled, releasing him so he could turn around.

"Yeah? Well I'm done talking to you," he retorted, grabbing her by the front of her shirt and shoving her backwards to trip and crash to the ground.

"Konan!" Pein and Zetsu had finally arrived just in time to see Konan get shoved down. Pein immediately rushed to his girlfriend's side. "You ok?"

"I'm fine. Just a little scratched," Konan replied, holding up her palms. Small droplets of blood were already leaking through the scraped flesh.

In the midst of the confusion, Deidara and Tobi were able to break free, and quickly rushed to Zetsu and Sasori. "We need to go, un!"

"Deidara has a point," Sasori remarked. "They're going to kill us."

"No they're not. **They're going to be pushing up daisies.**"

"Huh?" Tobi asked, voicing the artists' unasked question.

"Have any of you ever seen what happens to someone that messes with Konan?" Zetsu asked calmly, a knowing smile creeping across his face. The teens shook their heads, and Zetsu smirked. "**Then just watch.**"

Pein walked towards the group of thugs, a grim look on his face. "You bastards harmed Konan."

"Tch, what are you gonna do about it?" the leader asked.

"This," he replied, punching the teen in the gut, forcing him to double over so Pein could kick him in the face. As that one was down, he moved on to the next one, flipping him and stomping down on his ribcage.

The three freshmen watched in fascinated horror as the pierced teen took down the entire group without so much as getting a scratch on himself. "Wow, un."

"**Word of advice; don't hurt Konan,**" Zetsu remarked, smirking as Pein dislocated a punk's shoulder.

By now, the entire group was on the ground, groaning and, in some cases, bleeding. He stepped over several of the fallen thugs and grabbed their leader by the collar, pulling his face close. "Let me make something perfectly clear," he hissed. "You do not ever touch Konan again. You do not look at her, walk within ten feet of her, or even breathe in her general direction, or so help me, it will be the last thing you do with your insides on the inside. Am I clear?"

"Y-Yes sir," the teen stuttered.

Pein smirked and allowed the boy to flop back down onto the ground. "Good," he said, walking away.

"Don't you think that was a bit much?" Konan asked, dusting herself off.

"No such thing, sweetie," Pein replied, kissing her on the cheek.

The two of them climbed into the car, followed by the Zetsu and Tobi. "Guys, we can give you a lift," Konan called out. A moment later, Deidara and Sasori were inside the car as well. Fifteen minutes later, Deidara was dropped off at his house.

The blonde walked inside. "I'm home, un," he called out, not surprised in the least when he didn't hear an answer.

He walked into the kitchen, where he found dual sticky notes on the fridge. The first read, "Deidara, my meeting's going to run late. Make some ramen for dinner. Mom."

The other was shorter, only saying, "Son, I'll be out late. Dad."

Deidara rolled his eyes and flipped on the radio, before walking into the pantry to make ramen. He hadn't seen his parents face to face in three months now. At least the radio made good company.

-m-

Sasori pulled the mail out of his mailbox and walked into his grandmother's house. The Akasuna flipped through the papers (mostly bills) before seeing a brightly colored postcard in the bottom of the stack.

His grandmother had written again; apparently, her trip around the world had landed her in Peru, and the place was so fascinating she simply had to extend her trip a few more weeks, meaning she wouldn't be back for eight months, at least.

Sasori merely rolled his eyes and tossed the colorful postage onto the ever-growing pile of letters and junk mail Chiyo insisted on sending him. Like he cared if she ever got back or not.

Oh well. Time to reheat the pizza in the fridge and turn on the evening news.


	5. Chapter 4

Kisame poked at his lunch, a frown set on his face. The other three had been around him long enough to know that if he wasn't smiling or tearing his lunchmeat to shreds with razor sharp teeth, something was wrong.

"What the hell's your problem?" Hidan asked, munching on a sandwich that appeared to still be bleeding.

"My brother threw me out this morning," the shark grumbled.

"You have a brother?" Kakuzu asked, raising a brow.

"Yup. He started college last week-"

"Oh yeah, the Jashin damned college opens a week after us. Lucky bastards…"

"And I guess he decided that he doesn't want to bring his friends home to an underage shark. Can't blame him; he's a junior, for PETA's sake. But that still leaves me out on the curb."

"Why don't you move in with Konan and me?" Pein suggested.

"Do you guys have room?" Kisame asked hopefully.

"Sure. Her folks left us the house when they croaked, so there's plenty of space. You just can't live in the basement; that's where Zetsu stays."

"Zetsu?"

"Don't worry, you'll meet him and Tobi soon enough. Now kindly do something about your lunch; it's crawling towards me."

-m-

"Alright, is everyone here?" Pein asked.

"No, we're waiting for Tobi. **I'm gonna kill that little-**"

"ZETSU!"

GLOMP

"**Tobi, get off me!**"

"Sorry we're late, un," Deidara sheepishly said to Konan and Pein. "Sasori danna forgot a book, so we had to take a little detour…Kisame?"

"That's my name," the shark said.

"You went to my junior high, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I'm sure! You're kinda hard to forget, un."

"If you don't mind my asking, how'd you turn out blue?" Sasori questioned.

"You know all the toxic dumping the city used to do in the river?"

"Yes," Sasori answered.

"My family lived down there while my mom was pregnant with me. Even went swimming and drank the water a few times. Then she had me, and well, (he motioned to his body) behold the wonders of nuclear waste."

"You're kidding, right?" Konan asked.

"Nope," Deidara cut in. "He's right. That's how I ended up with these, un!" He held up his palms, and a moment later, mouths opened on each palm, the tongues lolling about.

"Holy crap!" Pein screeched.

"**What the hell?!**" was all Zetsu could get out.

"Whoa…" Sasori gently grabbed Deidara's wrist and looked closely at the extra mouth. He gently poked the tongue, making the muscle retract back into its mouth like a scared animal. "Interesting…so, you have two extra mouths?"

"Three, un! But the other one's on my chest and sewn up so it can't misbehave, un."

"Konan," Pein whispered, watching as the two artists continued talking.

"Yes dear?"

"We are never going to the river again."

"HEY ASSHOLES!" The group turned to see Hidan and Kakuzu walking towards them. "What's up?" The Jashinist called out.

"Nothing much," Pein replied. "We're just going home."

"Well that's fu-"

"Are you Sasori?" Kakuzu interjected, looking at the redhead.

"Yeah…you're Kakuzu, right?"

"Danna, who's he?"

"Danna?!" Hidan proceeded to crack up.

Pein rolled his eyes as Konan quickly introduced the group to each other. "OK, now can we please go?" the auburn-haired man asked.

"What's the rush?" Kisame asked. "It's Friday night, and we have nothing to do."

"Nothing, huh?" Hidan asked, smirking. "Alright, who the hell's in favor of crashing at Pein and Konan's place?"

Shouts in favor were heard from all.

"Wait you can't just barge in like that-" Pein protested.

"OK, we'll need chips and cheap horror flicks, un!"

"We can stop at the grocery for chips," Sasori suggested.

"And I know a great hellhole for cheesy movies," Hidan added.

"Make sure it's cheap," Kakuzu muttered.

"You can't-I mean-that's not-Zetsu, do something!" the leader pleaded.

"Alright, so Deidara and Sasori will get the chips, Kakuzu and Hidan can run inside and get the movies, and Tobi can-wait, where is Tobi?" Zetsu asked, looking up from his list.

"Right here!" the boy chirped, dragging Itachi behind him. "Itachi was sulking by the bus stop, so Tobi decided to bring Itachi along to have fun!"

"I hate fun," the weasel muttered, trying to pull away from the boy.

"Well, now that that's settled, everyone into the car!" Zetsu ordered.

"But we can't all fit, un!"

"Sure we can. **It just won't be legal, that's all.**"

Pein could only stare as everyone crammed into his car. "Wait to take control there, Sir Leader," Konan said.

-m-

Three hours later, a full-blown party was underway. After the group had given Tobi sugar (which resulted in him being hog-tied and thrown into a broom closet), things calmed down a bit, with Sasori and Deidara arguing about art, Hidan hunting for something to sacrifice, and Kisame trying to drag Itachi out of his emo corner. Kakuzu and the others were more or less just drifting about, talking.

"So, how much do you pay for utilities on this place?" Kakuzu asked, looking around.

"No clue. We let Zetsu handle all that stuff," Konan admitted. "All our payments come out of my folks' life insurance money."

"How much do you pay?" Zetsu asked. **"Probably less than us, at least."**

"I don't. Electricity is a waste of good money. I haven't had power in my apartment in over a month."

"WHAT?!" Konan screamed. "How do you keep food refrigerated?!"

"I don't. I just make ramen over a fire every night and eat that."

"Fire's aren't allowed in city limits," Pein remarked.

"Your point?"

"Kakuzu," Konan began, "why don't you move in here?"

"Oh no," Pein interjected. "We're not taking in another person."

"Besides, I don't want to move in," Kakuzu added.

Konan glared at the two. "Kakuzu, it'll be cheaper, since you won't have to pay rent on the apartment anymore. And Pein, I'm sure you can find it in your heart to let him stay here. **Right?**"

"S-Sure honey," Pein answered, watching his girlfriend warily.

"Good," Konan said, smiling. "Then it's settled. He'll move into the spare bedroom."

"How many rooms do you even have in this place?" the miser asked.

"Lesse, there's our room, Kisame's staying in the old office, and you have the other bedroom. Plus, we have the attic and basement where Zetsu is. I guess we'll have to move Tobi in there with him now, poor guy…plus the living room and kitchen…add two bathrooms, and that's it," Konan said.

"Will I have to pay rent?" Kakuzu asked, caving in.

"Oh no," Pein answered. "You'll file our taxes."


	6. Chapter 5

Kisame swore that if the school hadn't been made out of solid concrete, he would have burned it down.

He had finally figured out where everything was in this place, where all his classes were, how to get from one place to another…

And now, they were switching him to a different math class on the other side of the school.

The worst part was, virtually every kid in his class was to blame. Apparently, 90% of his class was currently failing Algebra 2, while the other 10% was passing with flying colors. So, those kids would be moved to a faster class, while the failing teens would stay behind for a slower paced class. Take a wild guess which group the shark was in.

So, here he was, heading to a new room, full of kids who would no doubt point and whisper about him, wondering what the hell had gone wrong to make him look like that. Kisame sighed as he shook his head. Oh well. May as well get this over with now.

The shark stepped inside the room and immediately headed towards the back of the classroom. Whoever had first said 'out of sight, out of mind' really knew what they were talking about. Kisame stuffed his book under his new desk and sat back, waiting for roll call. "What are you doing here?"

Kisame nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the familiar voice address him. "Oh, hey Itachi. I didn't know you were in here."

"I've been here all year. You haven't. Which brings us to the question of, why are you here?"

"Most of the kids in my other class were idiots, so they moved some of us into here so we wouldn't have to slow down like them."

"That explains it," Itachi muttered, looking at the other new students that were slowly filing into the room. "Do me a favor and stay there. The last thing I need is some prep that's going to spend the entire class texting sitting by me."

"Um, ok," Kisame replied. He seriously doubted that anyone would try to make him move; after all, would you walk up to a 6-foot 7-inch shark and ask them to move? Not likely.

Sure enough, when the bell rang Itachi and Kisame were still sitting beside each other. Itachi quickly copied down the problems on the board and did then all in about ten minutes. Once he'd finished, the Uchiha set down his pencil and proceeded to stare out the window, thinking about who knows what.

Kisame took a few seconds to just study the weasel in complete silence. _"He's cute."_

-that night-

BANG

"Tobi, come upstairs and eat your dinner!"

CRASH

"**Eat it now or you don't get any dinner at all!**"

"Better Tobi wants to play, Zetsu!"

"**TOO BAD!**"

Konan and Pein listened to the sounds of shouting, crashing, and several things breaking before Zetsu emerged from the basement, dragging the masked teen by his collar. "Tobi, eat," Pein ordered.

"No!" The teen crossed his arms in front of himself like a child, and the others could practically see the pout on his face.

"Tobi, please eat," Konan begged.

"If you don't eat, you're going to get super skinny and flimsy," Kisame pointed out.

"Tobi doesn't want to eat!"

"**Ok, screw it! I'm force-feeding that kid!**"

"WAAAAAAAAAH! Don't touch Tobi's mask!" The Uchiha was out of the kitchen in a flash, with the schizo right on his heels.

"…You know, you could just stop feeding him. It would save about $4,000 a year," Kakuzu pointed out.

"Don't tempt me," Pein ordered, wincing as he heard a sound suspiciously like a Ming vase crashing to the ground.

-m-

RIIIIIING

Sasori raised a brow as he heard the phone ring. Since when did anyone call here? More importantly, since when did anyone have the phone number _to_ call here?

RIIIIIIING

Sasori picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"DANNA!" The redhead winced, holding the phone a bit further away from his ear. Well that answered one question. Now to answer another. "What's wrong Deidara?"

"I was making dinner and I left the kitchen and then there was smoke and now there's flames and I DON'T WANNA EXPLODE, UN!"

"Deidara, I'll be right over," Sasori said, hanging up and rushing out of the house, hoping he remembered where Pein and Konan had dropped off the sculptor before.

-m-

When Sasori walked into the house, he nearly choked on all the smoke. "Deidara!"

"Sasori danna!"

The redhead followed the blonde's voice into the kitchen. "Deidara, what the hell happened?!"

"I was making a casserole in the oven, but I started sculpting and forgot about it, and when I came back in here there was smoke, and the casserole was on fire, and my explosives are in the pantry, un! If they overheat, we're screwed!"

"WHAT?!"

"And I kept throwing water in there, but it won't stop, un!"

"Deidara," Sasori asked calmly, "did it occur to you to turn off the oven?"

"Um, well, no, un."

"Then do that now!" Sasori screamed.

"Yes danna!" It took fifteen more minutes of throwing water on the casserole and opening every door and window in the house, but finally the kitchen was smoke free.

Sasori shook his head as he looked down at the sorry remains of the blonde's dinner. "You'd better throw that out, pan and all."

"Got it, danna," Deidara replied, walking outside the house to bury the leftovers. Once he was gone, Sasori started looking around the kitchen.

It was a nice place; tidy, well kept, and modern-looking. The only thing that seemed out of place was the overflowing garbage can. It appeared to be filled to the brim with folded or wadded up pieces of paper, with additional notes lying on the ground.

Sasori walked over to the papers and pulled several out, taking the time to unfold them and read their short messages. Every note was written by the same two people; Deidara's mother and father.

As Sasori read the notes, a frown grew on his face. The words may have been rearranged, and the situations may have been different each time, but every note said the same thing; I'll be out late, see you later. Sasori shook his head as he replaced the notes. Honestly, when was the last time those people had even talked face to face with Deidara been-

"I'm done, un!" Deidra called out, walking back into the kitchen with a smile on his face.

"Deidara, you really need to take out your trash," Sasori remarked.

"Oh yeah, sorry about the mess, un," Deidara said, grinning sheepishly.

"Hey, Deidara?"

"Yeah, un?"

"You mind if I crash here tonight?"

There was a moment of silence before Deidara nodded his head. "Your parents won't mind, un?"

"I doubt it. They're dead."

"Sorry, un."

"It's cool. My grandma's the only relative I have, and she's off on some world tour for the next eight months."

"Wow, un! So, you're all by yourself, un?"

"More or less. It's fine with me; I'm not a people person anyway."

"Ok. There's a sleeping bag upstairs that you can borrow if you want, un."

"Thanks," Sasori replied, following the blonde up the stairs to his room. It didn't take long for the two of them to settle in, and soon Deidara had shut off the lights and crawled into his bed, leaving Sasori to curl up in the sleeping bag on the floor.

As Sasori was drifting off, thinking about how much the blonde and he were alike, he could have sworn he heard a very soft, "Thank you, un."


	7. Chapter 6

Kakuzu swore softly under his breath. Pein and the others had taken off to school without him. Meaning he'd have to walk.

The miser shook his head as he began walking down the street. Since when was it so wrong to triple check every light in the house to make sure they'd been turned off? Really, those people simply didn't understand how to save money.

As Kakuzu was walking by one house, he heard screaming and crashing coming from it. Curious, he stopped his trek in hopes of finding out what was going on within the building. To his shock, Hidan emerged a moment later, ducking and barely missing the frying pan aimed at his head. "Bye assholes!" he called out, smirking as he walked down the steps.

"Hidan?!"

The masochist turned to the banker, a surprised look on his face. "Hey Kakuzu."

"What the hell was that?!"

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?" Hidan asked, as if he was oblivious to the shouts and noises coming from inside his house.

"It sounds like a war zone in your house!" Kakuzu snapped.

"Oh, that. My Jashin-damned relatives came in from outside this hellhole of a town, and we're throwing a party!"

"…What?"

"Every asshole in my family's a Jashinist, dumbass. Didn't you know?"

"No, but there being more people like you out there scares me."

"That's good," Hidan said, smiling as he began walking ahead of his friend.

-m-

"MR. HOSHIGAKI!"

Kisame snapped his head up, looking around the room. "What, what?"

"That is the fifth time you've fallen asleep in my class!" the teacher snapped. "You've got detention now."

"Screw you," the shark murmured, laying his head back down once the teacher's back was turned.

-m-

Kisame looked up and down the halls as he exited the detention room. Seeing this place without hundreds of students in it was just plain creepy.

He managed to exit the building without running into anyone, but once he got outside, he ran into a familiar face.

Itachi Uchiha was sitting on the front steps of the high school. "Hello, Kisame."

"Hey Itachi. Why are you still here?"

"The prospect of walking home alone doesn't seem very pleasant. Besides, I had nothing better to do."

"Nothing better to do than wait outside for me for an hour?" Kisame shook his head. "So, I guess we can just go now, right?"

"Hn," Itachi replied, rising to his feet and walking off. Kisame took this as his cue to follow the weasel and walked along behind Itachi, not entirely sure were they would end up.

As it turned out, the weasel's house was in the same directions as Pein; you just had to hang an extra left and go halfway down the block before you hit it. Kisame followed Itachi into an apartment building and up the steps to the third floor, were they finally stopped in front of a door. "Your family lives here?" Kisame asked, remembering the sign that had advertised these apartments as 1-bedroom, 1-bathroom.

"No. It's just me."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No. My relatives don't exactly care for me." And without another word, Itachi ducked inside the apartment, leaving Kisame alone in the hall.

-m-

"Bills, bills, bills…you'd think I'd at least get some junk mail now and again," Sasori growled, flipping through the mail he'd gotten today. At the very bottom of the stack, he found a letter addressed to him, written in Chiyo's handwriting. That was odd; he'd never gotten a letter from his grandma. Just postcards.

Curious, he grabbed his letter opener and cut it open, eyes quickly scanning the paper.

"Dear Scorpling,  
I'm writing to you from Sicily. The weather here is lovely, the people are friendly, and the food is delicious. I'm telling you all this not to make you jealous, my dear grandson, but to prepare you for moving here!"

"WHAT?!"

"That's right, you get to come and live in Sicily with me! I've already made plans to sell the house and most of the furnishings we can't ship over here, so pack up what you want to bring soon! Let me know when you get this message so I can send you your plane ticket, ok?" Love,  
Grandma Chiyo

Sasori stared at the letter for a good five minutes, before crumpling it up into a ball. Just when he'd finally made friends, his grandmother decides to ship him halfway across the world to live with her.

His friends. Damn, he was the only one that knew about Deidara being alone all the time. He couldn't just-no, he wouldn't just pack up and go. There was no way in hell he was leaving those guys, especially not Deidara.

He ran around the house, trying to remember where they kept the envelopes and paper, before returning to the living room to copy down the address on the envelope. Sasori put a grand total of two minutes of thinking into what he was going to say before he began writing.

"Dear Grandma,

One; stop calling me Scorpling. I hate it.

Two; I can't go to Sicily with you. I'm capable of taking care of myself, as you said when you left on your trip in the first place. Besides, sending me over there, getting a proper education, and feeding me would cost a fortune. I have a few friends here that I can stay with; they've already said it's ok, so long as I get a job soon.

So, don't worry about me. I doubt you'll ever even need to think about me again."  
Sasori

The Akasuna read over the letter once before stuffing it into an envelope, sticking a stamp on it, and cramming it into his mailbox. "Now to go pack…"

-m-

DING DONG

"Who could that be?" Pein muttered, watching as Konan rose to her feet and walked across the room to answer the door. "Sasori?!"

The redhead was standing on there front porch, a backpack over his shoulder and a lumpy duffle bag under one arm. "My grandmother sold the house. Can I move in here?"

"When the hell did our home become a boarding house?!" Pein cried, exiting the room to find the Advil.

"Well, Sasori, we only have the attic to offer you," Konan explained.

"I'll take it."

**"Don't you have anywhere else to go?"** Zetsu asked, walking into the room and turning on the TV to watch the news.

"Yeah, Sicily."

"You're staying," Konan declared, pulling him into the house and shutting the door behind him.

"And in other news, three more buildings downtown have been set fire to, as well as a statue in Sarutobi Park being tipped over and-"

"Dear lord, what's happening out there?" Konan asked.

"Hidan's relatives are in town," Kakuzu replied, walking through the room with a bucket of nails and several planks of wood tucked under his arm. "I'm going to seal the windows now."

"I'll lock the doors," Konan stated, quickly rushing out of the room.

**"And I'll heat up the tar and oil,"** Zetsu added, grinning as he walked down the stairs to his room.

"…I'll just put my things upstairs then," Sasori said to the empty room, wondering if maybe he should have just taken Sicily over this madhouse.


	8. Chapter 7

After three days of nonstop destruction and mayhem, the city's terror level final dropped to yellow, and schools were allowed to reopen.

Kakuzu had chosen to walk down the street, in order to pick up Hidan and see if his friend had been able to survive the Jashinist party. He was only slightly surprised to walk towards Hidan's house and find that the doors were missing, nearly all the windows were broken, and one of the walls looked slightly charred. Hidan emerged from the building a moment later, waving to his family. "See ya!"

The Jashinist turned and noticed that Kakuzu was there. "Hey dumbass. What's up?"

"Nothing much. I've just been, oh, hiding in the house for the past few days with a crow bar and pepper spray in my hands in the event that your family attacked. But other than that, the usual."

"Whatever. Man, that was a hell of a party. I'm still picking pieces of that cheap-ass window glass outta my hair." The zealot began swearing softly as he ran his fingers through his silver hair, soft clinks resonating through the air every time a piece of glass fell to the sidewalk.

"You didn't get injured too badly, right?"

"Hell no. My cousin got engaged, so most of the attention went to the bitch," Hidan explained.

"Then why are you still bleeding?"

"Jashin dammit, I thought they stopped the bleeding," Hidan muttered before fainting from the blood loss.

Kakuzu sighed as he scooped the Jashinist off the sidewalk and started on his way towards the school. "If we're late, I'm blaming you."

-m-

Kisame was once again asleep in math class. He couldn't help it; Tobi refused to sleep before three in the morning, and Zetsu spent all that time chasing the kid around to put Tobi to bed. Was it any wonder Kisame was always worn out?

The shark was suddenly awoken not by the teacher's harsh voice, but by a folded piece of paper colliding with his head. He sat up, rubbing his eyes before looking at the paper. Carefully, so the teacher wouldn't notice, he unfolded it.

Almost instantly he recognized Itachi's handwriting. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

Kisame raised a brow and looked over at the weasel, as if asking what this was about. Itachi's eyes, however, were glued to the window, with Kisame well out of his line of vision. The shark wrote a quick, "No, why?" before tossing the note back.

Itachi caught the paper in midair and unfolded it, reading Kisame's reply. He picked up his pencil, as if to write something, but froze. Kisame pretended to be focused on his work, carefully observing Itachi out of the corner of his eye. The weasel finally took a deep breath and quickly wrote something down before rapidly tossing it to the shark, as if keeping it too long would cause him to change his mind about what he wrote.

Kisame could barely contain his surprise as he read the weasel's answer. "Do you want to come over to my place for the night?"

The shark wasn't sure what to write, so he waited until Itachi looked at him and nodded his head. "Mr. Hoshigaki, are you passing notes now?!"

"No," Kisame lied, dropping the note onto the floor. In a flash, Itachi had grabbed the note and set it on fire, courtesy of his pocket lighter.

"That's detention, Hoshigaki! And does anyone else smell smoke?"

-m-

The weasel followed Kisame back to Pein's house, so he could grab a spare change of clothes. The house was, of course, complete pandemonium by the time they arrived.

"Has anyone seen my sandpaper?" Sasori asked, walking through the living room and looking under furniture as he went.

"Tobi has!" The Uchiha walked into the room, sandpaper glued to his body. "Tobi used it for arts and crafts!"

"What the-you little brat, I need that!" Sasori charged at Tobi, chasing the boy around the room.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Tobi is a good boy!" The masked teen cried, barely able to avoid running into Zetsu. Sasori, unfortunately, was not so lucky.

WHAM

"Oww! Zetsu, watch it!"

"**You're the one that ran into me, asshole!** Sorry, I just needed to get some salt from the kitchen-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !"

Everyone jumped at the scream. **"Dammit, my dinner's trying to escape. I knew I should have cut off the legs…"**Zetsu exited the room, growling about his hunger.

"Our electricity bill's up $0.52 cents this month," Kakuzu said as he entered the room. "So from now on no one can use the blender on Tuesdays or Thursdays. Got it?"

"OUCH!"

Kisame and Itachi once again saw Sasori walk into the room, sandpaper in hand. "I swear, one day that brat's going to get it-"

"WHO ATE ALL THE CHOCOLATE?!" Konan screeched from upstairs.

Pein was downstairs a moment later, running to the door. "Don't ask; just hide!"

"…I think I'm going over to Deidara's tonight," Sasori said, walking out the door.

"You know what? I think we can just leave now," Kisame suggested, quickly walking out the door with Itachi as they heard another scream from the basement.

-m-

"So, what do you want to do?" Kisame asked as Itachi opened the door to his apartment.

"No clue." Great answer. Itachi opened the door, and Kisame was too curious to see what Itachi's home was like to ask any more questions.

The best adjective to describe Itachi's home was bare. The living room had a couch, a coffee table, and a TV. There weren't even a few photos or pictures hanging on the walls. The weasel led the way into the kitchen, which was just as bad; nothing on the counters, nothing pinned to the refrigerator, and when Kisame saw Itachi open the fridge to get 2 Cokes, he wasn't too shocked to see that the shelves were virtually empty as well. "_What the hell…_"

"I have a few movies we could watch. That's about all I have for entertainment."

Itachi's statement tugged the shark away from his thoughts. "That's fine. As long as I don't have to put up with Tobi yelling all night, anything's good."

A small smirk formed on Itachi's lips. "I almost feel bad for you people. I only had to put up with Mada-sorry, Tobi, for a week."

"That explains why your place is still in tact," Kisame muttered.

"Yeah. But I still had to throw out a lot of furniture that Tobi ruined."

"_That explains it_…Hey, Itachi?"

"Hn?"

"Why are you living alone? And why was Tobi here with you?"

The weasel's smile fell. "I live alone because my family hates me. Tobi was with me for the same reason."

"Oh." Kisame wanted to ask Itachi to elaborate, but that didn't seem to be the best course of action right now. Another time, then. "So, do you want to watch the movies now?"

"Hn."

-8 hours later-

Kisame and Itachi were still on the couch, watching yet another horror movie. How Itachi could be so calm during these movies was something that Kisame would never be able to understand. These films always seemed just a bit creepy to the shark, if not plain sick.

THUMP

The shark nearly jumped out of his skin when Itachi fell over, head landing right in Kisame's lap. He had fallen asleep during the movie.

Carefully, so he wouldn't wake (and possibly enrage) the Uchiha, the shark pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over Itachi, stiffening and then relaxing as the weasel snuggled into him. All in all, this was rather nice.

Kisame hoped they'd have more movie nights.


	9. Chapter 8

-weeks later-

"Sasori danna?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you always sleep on the floor, un?"

"Because that's the only place I can sleep besides the couch, brat."

Deidara frowned down at the Akasuna, who was currently lying inside a sleeping bag near Deidara's bed. "That's not true, un. You could sleep in my bed, danna."

Sasori tried to remain calm. There was a reason he didn't sleep in bed with other people, but there was no way he was going to explain it to Deidara. "I'm fine down here. Now let me sleep, brat."

"Please danna?"

Sasori made the fatal mistake of looking at Deidara just in time to catch a wide-eyed pout from the blonde. _"Why must he be so cute?!"_

The puppeteer rose from the ground and sighed, crawling into the bed. "Fine. But you have to stay on your side. Understand?"

"Uh-huh!" Deidara replied, beaming.

"Good. Now let me sleep!"

"Night danna, un!"

The redhead gave no reply, so Deidara remained quiet and tried to fall asleep. He was just about to drift off, when Sasori suddenly turned over in his sleep. The sculptor waited for Sasori to get comfortable and go back to sleep, but it looked like the Akasuna wasn't settling down anytime soon. He began moving closer and closer to Deidara's side, and finally had his arm stretched over the invisible line separating their sides of the bed.

Deidara merely rolled over to try and ignore the redhead. This plan was ruined beyond salvation when Sasori suddenly moved again and wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist.

The bomber's pulse quickened as the puppet master pulled him closer, eventually making Deidara's back press against his chest. "Danna!" he whispered.

The Akasuna only squeezed him tighter. "Sasori danna!" he said, this time quite a bit louder.

"Hmm?" Sasori slowly blinked open his eyes, before realizing how close he was to Deidara. "Ack!" He quickly released the blonde and shot to his own side of the bed, face nearly as red as Deidara's.

"What the hell where you doing, un?!" Deidara demanded.

"There's a reason that I don't sleep in bed with other people," Sasori muttered.

"What? You can't resist molesting them, un?"

"NO!" the Akasuna snapped. "I just…latch onto whatever's closet to me when I'm asleep."

"…A sleep-cuddler, un?"

"That's one way of putting it," Sasori muttered, moving to the edge of the bed. "I'm going back to the sleeping bag now."

"You don't have to go," Deidara said quickly, grabbing the redhead's arm. "It just startled, me, that's all, un. Just put a pillow between us, un."

"Alright," Sasori agreed, returning to his side of the bed and sticking a pillow between Deidara and himself. It took a little while, but the redhead was finally able to fall asleep.

Deidara waited until he was positive Sasori was out before grabbing the pillow and removing it. After a little while longer, the puppet master began moving again, and soon his arms were back around Deidara. The bomber could only smile as he felt Sasori's arms tighten around him. "Night Sasori danna."

-the next day-

"ZETSU!"

GLOMP

The schizo sighed inwardly. This had become almost routine for him. Wake up, wake Tobi, get dressed, hear the kid call his name, and then get glomped by a rainbow blur. Same old thing, day in and day out. "**Tobi, get off me.** Please."

"Ok Zetsu!" Tobi stood and began running around the room, waiting for Zetsu to finish getting ready. "Tobi wants to play Tobi wants to play Tobi want to play-"

"**Be quiet!**"

"But Tobi wants to play! But Tobi's hungry too. Tobi wants breakfast Tobi wants breakfast-"

"**SHUT UP!**" Zetsu had decidedly woken up on the wrong side of the bed, and was in no mood to listen to Tobi.

Tobi, of course, ignored the command. "No! Tobi wants to play, Tobi wants to eat, Tobi wants to-" but before he could finish his sentence, Zetsu ripped off his mask, with the intention of stuffing a sock down Tobi's throat to silence him.

The boy's cheery mood disappeared as his hands shot up to cover his face. "Zetsu, give Tobi back his mask!"

"**Not until you shut up,**" the elder teen growled, holding the mask away from the boy.

"Please Zetsu! Be a good boy like Tobi and give it back!"

"**No,**" the man answered once more, though a little less forcefully.

"Please?" Tobi was now sitting on the bed, shaking. "Please Zetsu?"

"Tobi, it's just…Tobi, are you crying?" The boy shook his head no, but Zetsu could still see tears leaking out from between the Uchiha's fingers. **"Good boys don't lie, Tobi."**

"Tobi's mask?"

Zetsu handed the mask to the teen. "Tobi-" but before he could say anything, Tobi had bolted from the room.

-m-

Kakuzu was walking through the park, looking around at the area that had finally been cleaned up after the destruction Hidan's family had caused. It had taken a while, and the grass probably wouldn't properly regrow until next year, but at least it was safe for children to play in-

"BOW DOWN TO JASHIN OR BURN IN HELL, DUMBASSES!"

Or not.

Kakuzu followed the stream of obscenities to see a group of people clustered around three men who were all wearing Jashinist pendants. Hidan was standing to the side, watching the trio at work. "Hey dumbass," he called to Kakuzu.

"Hidan, what's going on?"

"We're trying to convert some of you heathens, asshole."

"How's that going?"

A flying tomato hit Hidan in the head. "Not good," Hidan replied. "And now I have to go and disembowel that bastard."

Kakuzu watched as Hidan pulled a rusty spork out of his pocket and began chasing the tomato thrower. "This should be interesting."

-at the grocery store-

"Kisame?" Itachi was looking up and down the aisles, trying to find his friend. "Where did that shark go?"

As the Uchiha was going down yet another aisle, he slipped on a wet surface and landed on the ground. Hard.

Grumbling, Itachi saw that he hadn't been watching were he was going, and had managed to slip on a recently mopped surface. Worse yet, whatever employee had been in charge of cleaning the floor was apparently rather lazy, since Itachi now had a sleeve full of salsa. "I may as well be blind," he muttered, pulling off his jacket.

Kisame, meanwhile, was now on the hunt for Itachi. Some crazed employee had dragged him to the seafood section to sell fish, thinking Kisame's sharky appearance was a costume to promote sushi sales. It had taken a lot of explaining, but the shark was finally freed to go find his friend.

Kisame finally came to the aisle Itachi was in. He was about to call out, when something caught his attention.

Along the weasel's forearm were straight, thin scars that perfectly matched the cuts on his face. Kisame did a quick count, and realized there were at least half a dozen cuts on Itachi's arm. He slowly walked up to his friend. "Itachi?"


	10. Chapter 9

The weasel looked up to see his friend staring at his arm. Damn, he'd forgotten about those cuts! "Itachi, why is your arm cut up?"

The Uchiha slowly rose to his feet, not looking into Kisame's eyes. "I'll tell you back home," he muttered, walking towards the exit of the store. Groceries could wait.

-m-

Itachi flopped down onto his couch, with Kisame sitting next to him. "Alright, spill. I want the entire story."

"The whole thing?" Itachi smirked. "All right. Here it is.

A while back, when I was still a little kid, I lived with my brother and parents. Things were pretty good; my family had money, my brother and I were smart, and our parents were ok.

Then, one night, I was in our car with mom and dad. We started arguing, dad's eyes left the road, and we crashed. They died that night, and I escaped without a scratch."

"Is that why your family hates you?" Kisame asked. "Because they blame you for the crash."

"If only it were that simple," Itachi murmured. "After that, weird things started happening to me.

My brother Sasuke and I went to live with our aunt and uncle. Our uncle fell off a ladder and broke his neck two days after we arrived, and our aunt met the same fate when she slipped on a bar of soap in the shower.

Sasuke was sent to live with our distant cousins then, and I moved in with another aunt and cousin. About three days after I arrived, a fire burned their house to the ground. I got out; they didn't.

Finally, I moved in with three of my cousins, who were the only ones left that would take me in. We got on a bus to go back to their home. Everything was fine, until the driver fell asleep at the wheel. We went off the road, and the bus overturned. Guess who lived, and guess who died."

"They think you're a jinx," Kisame said, finally realizing the truth.

"That's right. They were scared stiff that something would happen to them if they took me in, so they finally settled on getting me an apartment, away from everyone else. My parents' life insurance is divided in half now; part of it goes to Sasuke, and the other half to me."

"But that still doesn't explain your cuts," Kisame pointed out.

"I started keeping track of how many people died because of me," Itachi explained, holding out his arm for Kisame to see. "The scars under my eyes are for my parents, and the other cuts on my arm are for everyone else."

"I'm sorry," Kisame said.

"Don't be. I hate them all."

"Itachi, why would they send Tobi here if they thought you'd kill him?"

"Because they wanted him dead. They always thought Tobi wasn't the right kind of Uchiha; he's not particularly smart or strong, and he always wears that mask. They think he's a disgrace to the Uchiha name, and they were hoping that by sending him here, they'd get rid of him."

"…That's sick."

"And that's why I sent him to live with Pein and them. So at least he's safe."

-m-

"Tobi? **Where is he…**" Zetsu was looking all over the house, in hopes of finding the masked teen. His good side desperately wanted to apologize to the boy, and his dark side wasn't putting up much of a fight.

"Tobi!" Zetsu finally returned to his room, where he found the Uchiha sitting on his bed. "**There he is.**"

The schizo walked up to the boy, hoping to talk to him. "Tobi, can we-"

"Tobi's being a good boy, Zetsu. Tobi's being nice and quiet like Zetsu wanted."

"Tobi, I'm sorry."

"For?"

"**What do you think?** Stealing your mask." The schizo walked closer to the boy, sitting beside him. "Tobi, why do you even wear that mask?"

"Will Zetsu be a good boy and keep a secret?" Tobi asked.

"**Oh for PETA's sake**-yes."

Tobi began twiddling his thumbs. "Madara always smiles about everything. People started saying Madara was stupid for smiling like that. Then they started saying Madara was a stupid name. Then they just said Madara was stupid. So Madara changed his name to Tobi, and started wearing the mask. People make fun of Tobi, but not as much as Madara."

Zetsu stared at the teen, unable to find the right words that would comfort the boy. "Tobi, may I please see you without your mask?"

"You'll laugh at Tobi," the boy said quietly.

"I promise I won't. **Promise.**"

Tobi seemed to think for a moment, before gently reaching up and removing his mask. Zetsu grabbed his chin and made Tobi turn to face him, looking the boy over. "What a cute face…"

"Huh?"

Zetsu let the boy go and rose to his feet. "I have to water my garden now. And Tobi?"

"Yes Zetsu?"

"Keep the mask on. **From now on, I'm the only one privileged enough to see your face."**

Tobi sat on the bed, thinking, before a big grin broke out on his face. "Zetsu likes Tobi!" The boy quickly put on his mask and rushed up the stairs. Time to glomp a certain schizophrenic teen.

-m-

"Sasori danna!"

The redhead was abruptly woken up by a certain blonde grabbing his ankles and dragging him out of bed. "Brat, what are you doing?!"

"Waking you up so we can make pancakes, un!"

"What makes you think I can cook pancakes?" Sasori growled as he was dragged down the hall.

"Dunno, un. But we can at least try, un!"

Half an hour later the kitchen was a complete mess, and a plate of pancakes were on the table, waiting to be devoured by the artists. "Thanks for helping me make breakfast, danna," Deidara said.

"Can I go back to sleep now?" Sasori asked.

"No, danna!"

"Brat, I am tired. Let me go back to sleep."

"But I know how to get you to wake up, un."

"…How?"

"PANCAKE FIGHT!" The Akasuna felt something warm and sticky collide with his face before he could react, followed by the sounds of Deidara laughing and taking off.

For a moment, all Sasori could do was sit there and stare. He finally rose to his feet, grabbing the plate of pancakes Deidara had managed to forget. "That blonde is dead."

-hours later-

Deidara had finally been able to wash all the syrup out of his hair, and was heading into the kitchen to get some dinner. "Who knew danna was such a good shot-" but the rest of his thought was cut off by something. Or rather, someone.

There was a rather well-dressed brunette standing in his kitchen, holding a mirror in one hand while she applied makeup with the other.

Deidara stared at the strange woman. She finally finished applying her makeup and had put it up, when Deidara caught her eye. She smiled. "Deidara!"

The next thing the sculptor knew, the woman was hugging him. "Hi sweetie! Oh, it's been forever since I've seen you!"

"Hi mom," Deidara replied, finally recognizing the woman as his mother. She'd changed a lot in the three months he hadn't seen her.

"Deidara, I've gotta run. Some friends and I are going out to eat." She pulled away from her son and frowned. "We're really going to have to do something about your hair."

"But I like it long, un."

"And that speech problem of yours…" she waved her hand dismissively in the air. "Oh well. Your father's out of town on a business trip and won't be back until next week. Bye!" And with that she was out the door. A moment later, Deidara heard a car engine start up, and his mom took off.

For the first time in a long while, Deidara felt an aching in his chest. He ran to the door and opened it, bolting outside and down the street.

-m-

DING DONG

"Hmm?" Konan rose from her place on the couch and opened the door to reveal a visibly shaken blonde. "Deidara?!"

"Is Sasori here, un?" he asked quietly.

"Um, yeah. He's in the attic; follow me." Konan led the blonde through the house and up the stairs, wondering what was wrong. She stopped at the end of the hall and reached up, grabbing a rope and pulling down. A hatch opened and a ladder fell down. "Sasori, Deidara's here," she called out.

Deidara hurried up the steps into a rather spacious attic. There wasn't much up there, save for a bed and a few odds and ends. Sasori was currently sitting on the bed, looking over a puppet. He stopped when he saw Deidara, setting the puppet aside. "Dei, what's-"

"DANNA!" The blonde tackled Sasori, hugging him tightly. "I don't fit into their lives, danna."

"Whose?"

"My parents, un!" Deidara looked up at Sasori with tears in his eyes. "I don't fit into their lives, un. That's why they're never around, Sasori danna."

"Shh, Deidara…" the redhead held the blonde to his chest, trying to calm him down. Konan tugged on the rope again, and the springs in the ladder made it fold back up, the hatch closing with a soft thump.

The blue-haired woman entered the living room once more, taking her seat beside Pein. "I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say Deidara's moving in as well."

"Yup," Konan replied, smiling as her boyfriend gave an exasperated sigh. "Aww, cheer up. Your organization's coming together nicely, isn't it?"

"Yes, but I didn't know it would involve moving everyone into my place!" he growled.

Konan shook her head and crawled into Pein's lap, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You just have a big heart, honey."

"And I curse myself every day for it," he muttered, earning another kiss from Konan.


	11. Chapter 10

Sasori was woken up the sunlight flooding the room. Really, he'd have to ask Pein about getting some curtains for the attic windows. Or at least some old sheets he could use as makeshift curtains…

He tried to sit up, but something held him down. When Sasori looked to the mattress, he saw Deidara still asleep on one of his arms. The messy hair and anxious look on the blonde's face quickly brought back memories of the previous night, making Sasori lay back down. He gently shook the bomber's shoulder, trying to wake his friend up. "Deidara?"

The blonde merely groaned and nuzzled deeper into his pillow. Sasori tried again, shaking the sculptor a little more forcefully. "Deidara."

"Hmm?" The sculptor finally woke up, blue eyes slowly blinking open. "Danna?"

"Good guess," the redhead answered, a small smile crossing his face for an instant, then disappearing just as quickly. "Deidara, what were you talking about last night? What happened?"

"My mom was home when I got out of the shower, un. But she's changed so much since I last saw her, danna. I didn't even recognize her, un."

The Akasuna raised a brow but said nothing, indicating that the blonde could continue.

"And then she started talking about my hair and speech problem, un. It's bad enough that I have these freaky handmouths, but she made it sound like everything about me's screwed up, un. And then I realized that she and dad are never around anymore, so I got really sick to my stomach, un. After that, I juts took off to get to you, danna."

"That makes a little more sense then 'I don't fit into their lives'," Sasori admitted, pulling the blonde close to his chest. "I'm guessing this means you want to move in now?"

"Yeah, un."

"I doubt Pein'll have any problems with this. As long as you don't blow anything up."

Deidara smiled and nuzzled into Sasori's neck. "We'll have to get my stuff from my room later, un."

"Why not now?"

"'Cause I don't wanna get up," Deidara replied, wrapping his arms tightly around Sasori to prevent the puppet master's escape.

"Brat."

Deidara merely hmmphed before shutting his eyes, intent on sleeping in a little longer.

-m-

Kakuzu had made a habit out of picking Hidan up at the Jashinist's house on weekend mornings, then spending the entire day with him. Today was no exception. The miser was currently standing outside Hidan's house, waiting for the Jashinist to emerge from the den of zealots.

He didn't have long to wait. After a few moments, several crashes and something that sounded like a minor explosion, Hidan emerged from the house. "Hey dumbass! You gonna follow me around again?"

"Pretty much," Kakuzu replied, shrugging. "What do you want to do?" The usually did one of three things; go to the park and try to convert people, go to the mall and try to convert people, or walk around downtown and try to convert people. Hidan was consistent, if nothing else.

"You wanna see a movie dumbass?"

Kakuzu raised a brow. That was an unfamiliar suggestion. "Why?"

"Research for my Jashin-damned cousins." Kakuzu watched as three small children exited the house, the only commonality amongst them a Jashinist pendant around their necks.

They looked at Kakuzu and smiled. "Hi dumbass!" they chirped.

"I can definitely see the relation," Kakuzu muttered, hoping the kids would pay for their own tickets

The group ended up watching a slasher film, with Hidan laughing at the gore, the kids taking notes, and Kakuzu wondering what in Kami's (or in this case, Jashin's) name made him want to come along with them.

As they were walking out of the theater and back to Hidan's house to drop off the kids, the two boys named Felix and Alec began talking. "The ending sucked!" Alec declared.

"Yeah!" Felix agreed. "Why the hell did the killer have to get caught? And how could those dumbass police catch him anyway?"

"There's no damn justice in this world," Hidan agreed.

The other child, a somewhat polite girl named Rin was walking with Kakuzu, staring at him. "What?" the miser asked.

"You're really strong looking. And I don't think you're stupid. Plus you don't freak out too easy around Jashinists."

"Um…thank you?"

"Yup. I can definitely see why Hidan's got a crush on you."

Kakuzu tripped and Hidan spun around, pale cheeks flushed. "What the hell did you just say, bitch?!"

"You heard me, Hi-dumb!" Rin laughed, running as Hidan chased after her.

"I swear I'll break your Jashin-damned neck!"

The two ended up running around until they got back home. The three kids rushed to the safety of their parents, leaving Hidan and Kakuzu standing outside. "What now?" Kakuzu asked, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Hidan shrugged, clearly still thinking about what he should do now. "Go to the Jashin-damned park, I guess."

The two walked along the sidewalk in silence for a while, until Kakuzu couldn't keep silent any longer. "Hidan?"

"Hmm?"

"Was your cousin telling the truth?"

The zealot looked like a deer caught in the headlights for a brief instant before regaining his composure, albeit looking away from the miser. "Hell no! Jashin, the bitch just likes screwing with me and my friends-"

"You have friends besides me?"

"Shut the hell up."

"Whatever." Kakuzu increased his pace to walk ahead of the Jashinist. "That's too bad, I guess. Because you seem like my type."

Now it was Hidan's turn to stumble at the words. He stood in the same spot, watching his partner's back for what seemed like an eternity, before running ahead and catching up with him. "Your type? What the hell's your type?" An innocent enough question that could very easily influence the rest of their lives.

"Well…they can't be those quiet mousy types that never say anything unless spoken to. They need a sense of humor, and have an actual life. Gender or any crap like that doesn't matter…and they have to know when to shut up."

"That last thing definitely knocks me out, dumbass," Hidan said, smirking.

"I'm willing to compromise."

Hidan felt his pulse quicken. There was no way…"So, what do you say?"

"To what?"

"What do you think?" Kakuzu asked. "Do you want to go out with me?"

A million and one answers flashed across Hidan's mind. Finally, he settled on a single reply. "Hell yeah."


	12. Chapter 11

Itachi rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, blinking as he looked up at Kisame. He'd fallen asleep on the couch with his head in the shark's lap. After his little revelation, Kisame hadn't been willing to leave him, and for that Itachi was grateful.

The Uchiha took a moment to stare at his friend. It was rare to see Kisame so peaceful looking, and he'd probably never look this calm if he were conscious. Itachi looked at him for a few moments more and decided that Kisame really didn't look that bad. The blue tint of his skin and the gills on his cheeks added to the shark's personality, just like his height and razor sharp teeth.

Without meaning to, Itachi had managed to move his body much closer to Kisame's face than he'd ever been before. Furthermore, he'd managed to crawl all the way into Kisame's lap. Once he realized their close proximity, he knew he should pull back, but some invisible force held him in place. In fact, it was pulling him closer and closer to Kisame.

He shut his eyes just as Kisame opened his. "Morning Ita-" a pair of lips on his own silenced Kisame. The shark was definitely wide awake now.

Their kiss was brief, more of a test of each others limits than an actual display of affection. Once they broke away, Itachi looked down, a slight blush creeping over his face. It took all of Kisame's willpower not to chuckle at the sight. It would figure that Itachi would make the first move, then go all introverted and shy on him. "I've never been woken up like that," Kisame finally said, smirking as Itachi shifted about on his lap. "Care to explain what brought that on?"

"Hn," Itachi replied, attempting to climb off Kisame's lap, only to be stopped by a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist.

"'Hn', does not count as an answer this time, Itachi," Kisame stated bluntly, reaching up with one hand to tilt Itachi's head towards him. When the Uchiha still remained silent, Kisame let out a sigh of frustration. Time for a new tactic. "Itachi, I'm going to ask you some questions. Stay quiet if the answer's no, and 'hn' if it's yes, ok?"

"Hn."

"Good. First, did you want to kiss me?"

"Hn."

"Did you want me to kiss back?"

"…Hn."

"Ok. Itachi, do you like me?"

"…"

"Alright, do you-"

"Hn."

"Huh? I didn't even finish the question…Itachi, do you like me?"

The weasel rolled his eyes and kissed Kisame again, wrapping his arms around the shark's neck. Kisame pulled away, moving his lips to the Uchiha's ear. "Kisses count as yes, you know," he whispered before moving back to the weasel's lips. "_Ok, now to get him to move in with me. I hope Pein doesn't have a problem with that…"_

-m-

Pein was currently supervising Deidara and Sasori moving the blonde into the attic and shaking his head all the while. "Honestly Konan, we can't take any more people."

"Not true. We could have someone share a room with Kisame or Kakuzu, you know."

"Don't remind me," Pein muttered, looking up as a box went through the hatch to the attic.

A small bird fell out of the box. "Catch that, un!"

Pein stuck his hand out and caught the bird with ease. As he found out earlier, 'Catch that, un,' actually meant 'Catch that so it doesn't explode, un'. They'd need to do something about those holes in the driveway soon.

"Pein!"

"Tobi, no!" Too late.

GLOMP

The leader watched as the small sculpture flew out of his hands. He braced himself for the explosion, when Konan made a diving catch and saved the sculpture before it hit the ground. They were saved.

"ZETSU!" Pein yelled, fuming as he waited for the schizophrenic man to appear.

"**What?**"

"Take care of this kid," the leader growled, shoving Tobi towards the taller teen. Zetsu merely grabbed the masked teen's hand and dragged him away without a word.

They didn't stop walking until they were all the way in the basement, and Zetsu had shut the door behind them. "**Alright, spill it.** What happened this time? **The kid made a nuisance of himself, obviously-**"

"Tobi just wanted to give Pein a hug," the boy explained. "But then he started yelling at Tobi, because Pein isn't a good boy!"

The schizo rolled his eyes and reached his hand up to Tobi's face, removing the mask with ease. He knew that if anyone else tried this, Tobi would be halfway to Timbuktu by now, and they'd be stewing in a pot of oil; whether crude or cooking oil, however, was something he still hadn't decided on. "Zetsu?"

"Yes?"

"Was Tobi a good boy?"

"Yes, Tobi was. **So Tobi gets one of these,**" Zetsu said, leaning forward and kissing the younger teen softly on the lips. "But don't bother Pein anymore today. **Like that'll happen.** It could. **Yeah, if you believe in miracles-**"

"Don't worry Zetsu!" Tobi chirped, smiling happily. "Tobi will be a good boy! Tobi promises!"

"**Fine.** Then you can have another." The younger teen could only smile as he received another kiss.

-m-

"Is that everything?" Pein asked through gritted teeth.

"Yup!" Deidara replied, smiling as he flopped down on the bed he and Sasori would now be sharing.

Konan looked around the attic and shook her head. "It's a good thing there wasn't a lot of furniture up here, or else these boxes never would have fit."

It was true; between Sasori's puppets and Deidara's clay sculptures, there was barely even enough room for the two artists. They'd even have to share a dresser, and how they'd get a workbench to fit in here (never mind getting it up to the attic) was still a mystery.

"Well, at least Dei's moved in," Sasori stated, leaning back against a pile of boxes. Unfortunately, his movement managed to knock a small centipede sculpture free.

"Catch that, un!"

Sasori didn't move quick enough, and everyone braced for impact.

CRASH

And then…nothing.

Pein looked at the shattered sculpture, then at Deidara. "It didn't explode."

"Of course not! Not everything I make blows up, un."

"Then why'd you tell me to catch it?!" Sasori asked.

"Because I really like that sculpture, un."

Konan dragged Pein down the steps and shut the trapdoor before he had a chance to strangle the blonde. "Well, at least he's moved in," she said, dragging her boyfriend down the stairs and back into the living room. "Now you can relax."

DING DONG

"Or not," Pein growled, walking to the door. He opened it to reveal Kisame and Itachi, standing with a few bags. "Pein, can Itachi move in with us?"

Before the leader could react, Tobi ran into the room, a ball of fluff in his hands. "Pein, Tobi found this cute kitty! Can Tobi keep it?"

BOOOOOOOM

"SORRY, UN!...Hey, where do you guys keep the fire extinguisher?" Deidara called out.

"Pein, just stay calm," Konan began, inching closer to her boyfriend.

"You want Itachi to stay," Pein said slowly, turning to face the shark.

"Um, yeah-"

"Fine. The weasel can stay. And the kitty can stay. In fact, the explosives in our attic can stay…"

"This can't end well," Itachi muttered.

"Hell, I'm just going to go over Hidan's house and ask if his family wants to come over here and stay awhile!" Pein declared, storming out of the house.

"Oh crap, I think he's going to do it," Konan muttered. "Ok, Itachi can stay, the cat stays outside, and please help put out the fire." With the orders given, Konan rushed out of the house to stop her boyfriend.


	13. Chapter 12

"Danna!"

"What?"

"I'm bored, un."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Well what do you want me to do about it, brat?"

"Don't call me a brat. And I don't know, un."

"Then stop annoying me," Sasori ordered. The blonde fell silent, and when Sasori turned around in his chair to look at the sculptor, he saw a very dejected look on Deidara's face. Great, now he'd hurt his blonde! Wait, since when was the blonde his?

Well, that question could wait until later. Sasori knew that there was no way he'd be able to concentrate as long as Deidara was moping on the bed. He looked down at the puppet he'd been working on, and an idea came to him. Feeling slightly sick, Sasori pressed his knife too hard into the little wooden creature's side, making the torso crack. "Dammit!" he said with false anger.

"What is it, un?" Deidara asked quietly.

"I just broke my puppet. Now I'm going to have to go out and get some additional material." Without even turning around, Sasori knew he'd caught the blonde's attention. "Do you want to come with me?"

"Yeah, un!" Deidara cried, jumping off the bed.

"Alright, then let's go," Sasori said, walking to the hatch that led downstairs. They'd finally been able to clear a path to the trapdoor, as well as one to their bed and the desk that was currently serving as their workbench. Deidara climbed down the ladder first, followed by Sasori, who insisted on shutting it every time they went up or down the ladder. Apparently, the blonde was too loud when the task was left to him.

The artists walked down the stairs and through the living room, where they saw Kisame and Itachi on the couch, clearly not focused on the TV. "You know, danna," Deidara said a bit louder than necessary, "I can remember when we could walk through here without seeing a shark and weasel suck face, un."

Kisame and Itachi broke away from their kiss to look at the artists. "You going somewhere?" Kisame asked.

"The hardware store. I need some parts," Sasori explained. "If we're not back by dinner, it's because Deidara blew something up and I'm breaking him out of jail." The redhead escorted his partner out the door, leaving the shark and weasel alone.

"They complain about us making out, but I can't remember the last time more than three feet separated those two," Kisame muttered.

"Kisame?"

"Yeah?" The shark saw the look on Itachi's face and frowned. "What is it?"

"Are you sure it's ok for me to be here?"

"Why wouldn't it be-Itachi, you're not a jinx."

"Hn."

"Why must you be so difficult, angel?"

Itachi frowned. "Don't call me that."

"Why not?" Kisame asked, a sharky grin on his face. "I hate to break it to ya, but you really do look like an angel."

"An angel of death," Itachi muttered.

"See? Even you can admit it." Itachi frowned again but didn't protest. "Good, now open your mouth," Kisame ordered, tilting Itachi's head up and leaning in for another kiss. They'd be here a while.

-m-

Deidara looked around the hardware store, grinning from ear to ear. "This is awesome, danna!"

"Calm down Dei," the Akasuna ordered. "We're only here for some wood. Maybe some clay for you too."

"But danna, those things are on opposite sides of the store!" Deidara whined.

"Fine," Sasori growled, digging a $20 out of his billfold. "Just go get your things and meet me outside the store when you're done. Understand?"

"Thank you Sasori danna!" Deidara said, giving the puppet master a quick hug before rushing off.

Naturally, Deidara managed to get lost thirty seconds later.

"Ok, so is the clay in aisle 12, or 21…" As Deidara was trying to find out where he needed to go (or where he was, for that matter), a sign caught his eye. He walked over and looked at the price tag, then quickly did the math in his head. "I could get ten different colors, un. But I'd need some of the same colors…"

"Hey kid," an employee called out, walking up to Deidara. "You thinking about buying that?"

"Maybe, un. Why's this so cheap, un? Is it defective?"

"Nope! The company went under, and they're trying to sell everything they have left to make even a little profit."

"I see, un…can you help me get these to the register?"

-m-

Sasori was waiting outside the store, tapping his foot impatiently. What was keeping the blonde? He found out a moment later when Deidara finally emerged from the store, carrying several heavy looking bags under his arms. "Hi danna!"

"Why do I get the feeling that you didn't buy clay?"

"'Cause I didn't, un," Deidara admitted, setting the bags down for Sasori to peer into.

"…You bought paint."

"Uh-huh!" the blonde replied. "A whole bunch of it, un."

"Why?"

"That's a secret, danna," Deidara replied.

"You better have a good reason, brat," Sasori grumbled. "And one more thing."

"What, un?"

"How are we supposed to walk home with ten cans of paint?!"

"…No clue, danna."

-m-

Kakuzu and Hidan were in the living room when Sasori opened the door, panting. "I am never taking you to a hardware store again, brat."

"I said I was sorry, un!"Deidara cried. It was then that Hidan and Kakuzu noticed the paint under their arms.

"Home improvement project, assholes?" Hidan asked.

"Ask the blonde!" Sasori spat out, storming to the steps. Deidara followed closely behind, looking nervous.

A few minutes passed, and Pein entered the room. "Yo, Pein in the ass," Hidan began, "did you see the Jashin damned paint those two artsy bastards were carrying?"

"No, so the paint doesn't exist," Pein said, walking into the kitchen in search of his Advil.

Hidan was about to say something, but was stopped by Kakuzu. "Let it go, Hidan. We're lucky he's not in the loony bin right now."

"And Hidan, why are you here?!" Pein called out. "Last time I checked, you didn't live here. Then again, what do I know?"

"Kuzu invited me over," Hidan answered, snuggling into the miser's side.

"Kuzu?" Pein asked, walking back into the room. "Oh for PETA's sake-IS EVERYONE HERE BESIDES ME GAY?!"

"No," Konan called from upstairs.

"Right. I'm going out for some fresh air. If I'm not back by dinner, I've gone to the river and drowned myself," Pein muttered, exiting the house.

"Konan-"

"I heard," the woman said, walking to the door. "I'll make sure he returns alive. But no guarantees about his mental state, alright?"

"That's all we ask," Kakuzu said, turning his attention back to the TV, with Hidan nuzzling him gently.

-m-

"Alright, brat," Sasori said as he climbed up through the hatch. "You better have a good reason for buying-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Deidara was running from one end of the room to the other, moving boxes to wherever he could find room for them. "Danna, I want to paint a mural, un!"

"…Care to repeat that?"

"Sasori danna," Deidara began, pausing his running to speak, "there's that big, ugly wall, right at the foot of our bed, un. Two other walls have windows, and the either one we don't see all that much…but that one plain wall looks hideous, un. I wanna paint it!"

Sasori began picking up boxes and moving them with the blonde. "We don't have brushes, you know."

"That's what hands are for, un!"

Sasori shook his head and went to open the windows. No point in having them inhale paint fumes all day. "Just make sure you stir the paint first, ok?"

"Yay! And I even know what to make the design, un!"

Deidara was about to dive into the paint, when Sasori stopped him. "Deidara, you're going to ruin your shirt if you leave it on to paint."

"I'll take it off if you do."

"What do you think I was planning on doing, brat?" Sasori muttered as he pulled off his shirt. Deidara had already grabbed the screwdriver to open the paint cans. "Now, we need to start at the top and work our way to the bottom," Sasori went on, opening a can of blue paint. "Hmmm…Deidara, how much do you weigh?"

"What kind of question is that, un?!"

"I think you're lighter than me, so you can stand on my shoulders," Sasori explained. Deidara smiled and dipped his hands in the paint, watching Sasori bend down in front of the wall. Carefully, so he didn't get any paint in the puppeteer's head, Deidara hopped onto Sasori's shoulders, arms outstretched to help him stay balanced as the redhead stood up. "Easy danna, un!"

"Excuse me," Sasori growled, watching as Deidara began painting, "but someone's heavier than they look!"

"You just called me fat, un!"

"No I didn't!" Sasori replied.

"Danna, can you get the paint, un?"

Very carefully Sasori bent down and grabbed the bucket, which he balanced on his head. Deidara held one hand against the wall and bent down, dipping his hand in the paint. "This'll be easy, un!"

"As long as my legs don't give out," Sasori growled, eyeing how much they still had to do.

-m-

"It's done," Sasori declared, stepping back to look at the wall. He and Deidara had each been working on one half of it, once it had gotten to the point of the bomber not needing to stand on Sasori's shoulders.

"One more thing, un," Deidara said, walking over to the can of sky blue paint and dipping his hand in it. He then walked over to the bottom right hand corner of the wall and made a small handprint on the brown surface. "I can write my name in it when it's dry un," he explained. "Now it's your turn, Sasori danna!"

The Akasuna followed Deidara's lead and dipped his hand in a can of red paint, placing a handprint beside Deidara's. He then walked over to the piles of boxes shoved on the other side of the room and pulled out two rags; one for Deidara, and the other for him.

Once they'd toweled off their paint-covered hands, they took a moment to get a good look at their art. "It's gorgeous, un," Deidara said, his visible eye lit up with happiness.

"Yes you are," Sasori whispered, moving closer to Deidara.

The words surprised the blonde, and as he turned to face his friend, Sasori's arms wrapped around him. "Danna-" the redhead cut Deidara off with a kiss.

The blonde shut his eyes and kissed back, relishing the feeling off Sasori's lips against his own. The Akasuna broke away a moment later, smiling at the blonde. "Well?"

"You're a good kisser, un," was all Deidara could get out.

Sasori smirked. "Than you won't mind if I give you another one?" The blonde shook his head, and soon their lips were back together.

-m-

Konan and Pein were in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. "Pein, I'm going to take some food up to Deidara and Sasori. Those two never bothered to show up for dinner."

"Then just let them starve," Pein said, scraping food into the garbage disposal.

"Not happening," Konan replied, grabbing two plates of food and walking out of the room.

She set the plates down on a nearby table and pulled the cord to the hatch. "Sasori? Deidara?" No answer. Worried, she climbed up the steps.

The first thing she noticed was the smell of fresh paint. She began looking around the room to find where it was coming from. She didn't have to look long. As soon as she saw the mural, she froze, eyes wide and mouth open.

It was as if the two artists had removed the wall to see what was outside. The mural showed the side of the house next door, painted in such perfect detail that you could see the cracks in the bricks and the flower pots in the window. A few birds had been drawn on the roof (probably by Deidara), and you could even see a few wisps of smoke rising from the chimney. But that wasn't all.

You could see the rest part of the next house over, obscured by the first one. Farther along you could see a few additional building, and in the distance were skyscrapers from the city, along with a few cirrus clouds in the bright blue sky above that.

Konan shook her head in disbelief. "Damn, you two really are artists." It was then that her eyes drifted to the bed. She smiled.

Deidara was curled up against Sasori, who had wrapped his arms around the blonde. They were sound asleep, with the redhead on his back and the bomber on his chest.

Konan smiled as she climbed down the steps. She'd better put up their food before it spoiled.


	14. Chapter 13

Pein slowly blinked his eyes open, silently reaching across the bed to wake up Konan. To his surprise, he felt nothing but an empty space next to him. He opened his eyes and sat up, trying to find his girlfriend. His search didn't take long.

Konan was currently standing in front of her dresser, back turned to Pein. The woman appeared to be looking down at something. "Konan, what's wrong?" Pein asked.

"My…chocolate's…gone…" she slowly hissed, turning around to give Pein a look of death.

The auburn-haired man let the words sink in, before his eyes slowly traveled to the calendar he had hanging up by his door. It was the third week of the month. Shit.

-m-

Pein quickly scrambled up the stairs that led to the attic. "Sasori, Deida-" the leader froze as he caught sight of the two teens cuddling, Sasori giving Deidara gentle kisses now and then. "AHEM!"

The artists finally seemed to notice Pein, and they paused long enough to see what the older teen wanted. "Yeah Pein?" Sasori asked.

"Emergency meeting in the living room in five minutes. I suggest you bring weapons," Pein stated before disappearing back down the stairs.

Deidara and Sasori stared at the spot Pein had been in for a few moments before they finally began to speak. "Danna?"

"Yes Dei?"

"What do you think that was about, un? And why do we need weapons?"

"I don't know, Deidara. And I think it may be better that way."

-m-

Pein walked into the living room, looking over all the teens that were currently residing in his house. "Is everyone here?" he asked.

"Now we are, dumbass," Hidan said, brushing past the teen to flop down on the couch next to Kakuzu.

"How did you get in?!"

"The door, asshole."

"Zetsu, I told you to change the locks!" Pein snapped.

"I did. **So don't pin this on me.**"

"Like some Jashin-damned lock will keep me out of your fucking house," Hidan growled, snuggling into Kakuzu's side.

"Whatever. It's just as well that you're here, Hidan," Pein went on, "because it might save us from murder charges later."

"Huh?" the zealot asked.

"Do you guys notice anyone missing from here?" Pein asked calmly.

Everyone looked around to try and find the odd one out. "It's Konan," Itachi finally said.

"Right, and there's a reason for that. I have no one but myself to blame; I should have made sure that she still and chocolate and…"supplies". But there's nothing I can do about that now. You see," he continued, noticing the confused looks on everyone's faces, "Konan is…PMS-ing."

A hush fell over the group. "Sempai, what's PMS-ing?"

Before Deidara even had a chance to answer the question, Zetsu jumped to his feet and grabbed Tobi, dragging him out of the room. "Come on Tobi. **We're barricading ourselves in the basement.**" The group watched as the two teens disappeared from sight, before turning their attention back to Pein.

"What the hell's the big deal?" Hidan asked.

"Hidan, do you remember the major fire the city had last year, followed by several burglaries in sweet shops and the three dozen people that ended up in the hospital?" Pein asked.

"…Yeah," the masochist answer nervously.

"THAT was what happened last time Konan was PMS-ing and didn't have any chocolate or supplies on hand." The group visibly became terrified. This was serious. "Now, the last thing we need are criminal charges against us-"

"**AGAIN,**" Zetsu called out over his hammering, before returning to sealing his door shut.

"So, I'm going to go out and get the needed supplies. You people are in charge of making sure Konan doesn't leave the house. Understand?"

"Why us?!" Kisame demanded.

"Consider it paying your rent," Pein answered, walking out the door and locking it behind him.

-hours later-

"Konan, calm down," Kakuzu ordered, slowly backing away from the woman.

"Grrrrr….someone here ate all my chocolate," she spat out, glaring at the group around her. "And when I find out who it was…**I'll kill them!**"

"It was me!" Hidan cried. Everyone turned to stare at the zealot in shock, wondering what had brought on this suicidal idea. He mouthed the words, "Run, dumbasses," before taking off down the hall, Konan on his heels.

He managed to make it to the broom closet and pulled out a broom, holding it in front of himself in a fighting stance. "Back, you bitch from Hades!"

"HISSSSSSSSSSS!"

CRACK

Hidan stared down at the portion of the broomstick he still held in his hand, eyes slowly traveling to the point where Konan had severed it. The woman was holding the stick in her hands, a sadistic smirk crossing her face. "What was that, Hidan? First you still my chocolate, then you call me a bitch? You fucking little cunt-"

"Konan, I-I can-"

"DIE!" she screamed, lunging at the doomed Jashinist.

-m-

Pein was ringing up his purchases at the supermarket, trying not to look at the cashier as she rang up Konan's "supplies"._"Sign your boyfriend is whipped #3; he buys your monthly items."_ He quickly paid for the items and practically ran out of the store, wondering how the guys back home were doing.

-m-

The guys had overturned the table in the dining room to create a makeshift shield, all of them trying to avoid the objects Konan was hurling at them. "COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT LIKE MEN, YOU BASTARDS!" she screamed, hurling the remote at an arm Kisame hadn't been able to adequately shield.

Several loud crashes and bangs were heard as Deidara dove behind the table, having narrowly escaped the kitchen. "Brat, what were you thinking?!" Sasori demanded, pulling Deidara to his chest in a relieved hug.

"I was grabbing these, un," Deidara explained, holding up several pots and pans for everyone to see."We need helmets, and these are the best I could do, un."

"Good idea," Kisame said, grabbing a pot and quickly putting it on his head.

"There's no way your going to catch me-" Itachi's complaint was cut short as a stapler came flying through the air, nailing him in the side of the head and sending him straight to the ground. "On second thought, gimme."

"How's Hidan?" Deidara asked worriedly.

"Not much better," Kakuzu replied, still trying to doctor the Jashinist.

"Oh damn…Kuzu, I can't feel my legs…"

"DAMN YOU ALL!" Konan yelled as a microwave came flying through the air, crashing on the wall behind them.

"When did she move into the kitchen?!" Kisame demanded.

"I don't know, but be careful," Itachi commanded, straightening the pot on his head. "If she's in there, it's only a matter of time before she gets to the knives." Sure enough, a steak knife flew through the air moments later, embedding itself in the wall an inch from Kisame's head.

"Danna?" Deidara whispered, clinging to Sasori and shaking.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared, un."

"Me too, Dei. Me too."

-m-

Pein walked into the house, ducking as a plate came flying towards him, aimed directly at his head. "Where the hell have you been?!" Konan hissed, holding up a bag of frozen meat.

"The market," Pein said softly, keeping eye contact with his girlfriend as he reached into his bag. "Look Konan, I brought you chocolate ice cream."

"Chocolate? Ice cream?" Konan repeated, dropping her weapon.

"That's right," Pein whispered, stepping closer to the unstable female. "And I brought you these, too," he said, holding out her "supplies".

"You knew I was out," she said, smiling.

"Uh-huh. Now, I'm going to let you go and eat your ice cream; you copy of "The Breakfast Club" is on top of the TV. Ok?"

Konan glomped him, bursting into tears. "You're such a good boyfriend!" she declared.

"Shh, go watch your movie," he softly ordered, letting her walk away. He proceeded to head further into the house, finally stopping in the dining room. "It's safe to come out now," he said.

Slowly, six heads poked out from behind the table, watching Pein warily. "Is she gone?" Sasori asked.

"Yup. She'll be watching old movies for the next few hours," Pein explained, walking behind the shield and handing the teens several first aid kits. "I thought you might needs these-dear Lord, what happened to Hidan?!"

"He told Konan he stole her chocolate," Kisame explained, looking at the black and blue Jashinist with true pity in his eyes.

"You poor soul," Pein muttered, moving to help Kakuzu doctor the zealot.

-m-

"Zetsu?"

"Yes Tobi?"

"Is I safe to go out yet?"

"I don't know, Tobi. We're better off just staying here. **That bitch can be scary sometimes…**"

"Ok Zetsu!"


	15. Chapter 14

-days later-

Konan walked downstairs and into the living room, a smile on her face. "Morning everyone!"

"Ack!" Hidan tossed aside the remote control and leapt of the couch, dashing out of the living room and then the house.

Konan raised a brow. "What's his problem?"

"He's still scared of you because of what you did to him," Kakuzu explained, flipping carelessly through the channels. Pein had forced him to allow cable in the budget, under penalty of being locked in the broom closet for 24 hours with a PMS-ing Konan.

"Is that all?" Konan asked, sitting down next to the banker.

"You say that like you didn't practically claw his face off. And his arms. And his co-"

"He had it coming," she replied, shrugging as she stole the remote from Kakuzu.

Pein walked into the room a moment later, staring at Kakuzu and Konan. "Shouldn't you guys be getting ready for school?"

"Oh crap, it's Monday!" Konan realized, rushing out of the room to get dressed.

"I thought so," Pein said, flopping down onto the couch and snatching up the remote before Kakuzu even had a chance to grab it.

-m-

RIIIIIIIIIIIING

Zetsu let out a sigh of relief. Finally, school was over. Only four more days of hell, and then he could enjoy the weekend.

As he was walking down the hallway, he saw a group of teens clustered together. He frowned. That usually meant that someone was either getting their ass kicked, or about to. "WAAAAAH! Give Tobi his mask back!"

His pulse quickened. There was no way he'd just heard that! The schizo stormed towards the group, anger building inside of him.

Tobi's back was to the locker as the same thug that had stolen his mask before held the item above his head, smirking. "You'd think you'd learn to keep a better grip on this," he said, dangling it just out of Tobi's reach. "But I guess that just goes to show how stupid some people can be."

"P-Please! Just give Tobi his mask back!"

"Just give Tobi his mask back," the kid repeated in a mocking tone. "You know what? I don't feel like it. In fact, I think I still owe you for what your friends did to me in the parking lot-"

"AAAAH!" Both teens spun around as one of the thugs went flying down the hall.

WHAM

In mere seconds the leader's back was against the locker, Zetsu holding him by the collar and looking pissed. "**What the hell do you think you're doing?** Drop the mask." The teen did as he was told, allowing the mask to clatter to the ground. "Tobi, pick it up." The Uchiha nodded and bent down, fumbling blindly for his mask with one hand while using the other to cover his face.

As soon as it was back on, Zetsu returned his attention to the thug. "Listen up. **If you ever so much as think about hurting Tobi again, I'll kill you.**"

"Y-You're b-b-bluffing," he stuttered weakly.

"Oh really?" A sick smile crossed Zetsu's face. "I'll let you in on a little secret. **I'm schizophrenic. That means I'm legally insane, asshole.** So, if I really were to kill you, what do you think they could do to me? **Not much is the correct answer.**"

The teen wasn't sure whether or not he could believe the teen, but he really didn't want to find out if Zetsu was telling the truth or not. "Ok! I'll leave him alone," he said.

"Good." With that, Zetsu slammed the kid to the ground, grabbing Tobi and walking off as the other punks rushed to their fallen leader.

"Zetsu, thank you for saving Tobi!" the masked teen chirped, smiling at his friend from behind his mask.

The schizo didn't say anything until they were a good way away from the teens. As soon as he was sure they were alone, he stopped them and turned to look Tobi in the eye. "Are you ok?"

"Uh-huh!"

"You sure?"

"Yes Zetsu. Tobi is fine!" With that being said, Zetsu pulled Tobi to his chest in a hug. "Zetsu?" The schizo didn't answer. "Is Zetsu fine?"

"I guess. I'm just mad that I couldn't break that guy's neck. **I should've.** That wouldn't have been a good idea. **So?** So we can't do it. **If it's to protect Tobi, what's the problem?** You really want to kill someone right in front of Tobi? **Well no, but still-**"

"YAY!"

Zetsu looked down at Tobi, who was currently hugging the life out of him. "Tobi, I need air! **And why are you acting so happy?!**"

"Tobi's happy because both halves of Zetsu really love Tobi! That means Tobi must have been a very good boy!"

Zetsu stared at the boy. When did he say he loved the kid? Then again, he wasn't entirely opposed to that idea…"Tobi, we need to go now."

"Ok Zetsu!" Tobi cried, pulling his friend down the hall and out of the school.

-m-

Kakuzu was at the table, trying to figure out exactly how they'd ended up with a $400 power bill, when he heard a light tapping at the window. Curious, he crossed the kitchen and opened the window to find a very familiar Jashinist staring at him. "Hidan?"

"Who else?"

"What are you doing here?!"

"Waiting for your sorry ass to invite me inside, bastard." Kakuzu walked across the room to the door and opened it, motioning for Hidan to come inside. "I'll ask again; what are you doing here?"

"My house was too damn noisy, so I decided to crash in this hellhole for the night."

Kakuzu sighed to himself as he returned to his seat. "Hidan, why don't you just move in with us? You're over here six out of seven days a week, you raid our fridge, and I found some of your clothes in the laundry hamper."

"Because hell will freeze over before I move in with you heathens, dumbass," Hidan replied, sitting down next to Kakuzu.

"What are you doing now?"

"Watching you."

"Go to bed," Kakuzu grumbled, knowing that no matter what happened, Hidan would eventually end up in his room, hogging the blanket and snuggling into the miser. It was almost scary how cuddly the sleeping Jashinist could be. Especially when he awoke the next morning and woke up the entire house with shouts claiming that he was being molested.

Hidan merely shook his head and scooted his chair closer to Kakuzu's. "No."

"Hidan…"

The masochist climbed out of his chair and into Kakuzu's lap. "No."

"For the last time, go to bed!"

The zealot wrapped an arm around Kakuzu's neck and pulled him into a quick kiss. "No."

"Fine. Just stay quiet," Kakuzu growled, already back to work. Hidan remained quiet, his eyes watching Kakuzu's work, hand occasionally reaching out to grab a paper, only to be smacked away by Kakuzu. Finally, the miser gave up on trying to get any work done and rose to his feet, setting Hidan down on the ground. "Come on." The Jashinist obediently followed the banker up the stairs and into his room.

-m-

Konan smiled as she shut the door and crossed the room, crawling into her side of the bed. "Hidan's spending the night again," she said.

"I figured that. Since he's always over here," Pein growled, flipping a page in the book he was reading.

"Yet you don't kick him out," Konan remarked, smiling as she scooted closer to her boyfriend.

"If I didn't kick Tobi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Sasori, Deidara, and Itachi out, why would I start with Hidan?" he asked, not looking away from his book.

"Dunno." Konan smiled as she snuggled into Pein's side. "But you've certainly got a big heart to do all this."

"It's for the Akatsuki," he reminded her.

"Sure it is. Now shut off the lights. I wanna cuddle."


	16. Chapter 15

Itachi was looking visibly depressed as he walked down the high school hallway. "What the hell happened to you?" Hidan asked.

"Kisame and I got into a fight this morning," Itachi said.

"About?"

"I was whining about Deidara using my shampoo, Kisame said I was acting like a girl for complaining about it, I called him a fish, more insults were thrown, he called me an emo chick, and I left."

"I'm sorry, but that is f-ing hilarious," Hidan said.

"You're not helping," Itachi muttered, walking off.

"Hey, relax Itachi!" Hidan said, rushing up to his friend. "How about this; you crash at my place tonight, give the bastard a little space, and work out your Jashin-damned problems tomorrow. Ok?"

"That actually sounds pretty good," Itachi said.

"Good. Get your ass over to my house at 4. Got it?"

"Got it."

-m-

WHAM

"BASTARD!"

"TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE, ASSHOLE!"

BANG

"Is this a bad time?" Itachi asked, nervously following Hidan into the house.

"Nope. This is f-ing normal for us," Hidan replied, leading the Uchiha through the house and upstairs to his room. "Although most of those assholes are pretty wound up right now."

"Why?"

"My bitch of a cousin got engaged to a Jashin-damned heathen. He's around here somewhere…anyway, they're trying to convert his sorry ass to Jashin, but no lucky so far."

"Poor guy," Itachi said, flopping down on the floor. "What's his name?"

"I think it's like Suzu or something….yeah, Suzu Uchiha!" Itachi visibly started at the name. "Hey, you related to the bastard?"

"Hidan, I have to go," Itachi said quietly, rising to his feet and rushing to the door.

"Huh? Hey wait!" Hidan ordered, grabbing the weasel's arm. "What the hell's the big deal?!"

"Trust me, Hidan," Itachi said. "If I don't leave now, bad things will happen."

"What kind of-"

CRASH

BOOOOOOM

"Too late," Itachi muttered.

-m-

Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara were lounging on the couch in the living room, watching a cheap horror movie. "So, Itachi really did decide to crash at Hidan's," Sasori said.

"Don't remind me," Kisame growled. He was busy sulking on the couch, and seeing Sasori and Deidara together like that did little to improve his mood.

"Hey, have you guys looked outside lately?" Zetsu asked. "There's smoke coming from a few blocks over. **Maybe someone's burning to a crisp right now.**"

"Hmm?" Kakuzu asked, walking in from the kitchen. "Where?"

"Out there," Zetsu replied, pointing out the window. "See?"

Kakuzu looked to where Zetsu was pointing. The miser suddenly paled. "That's near Hidan's place," he muttered.

Instantly the group was interested in the fire. "Are you sure?" Sasori asked, concerned.

"Positive," Kakuzu confirmed.

"We have to find out if Hidan and Itachi are ok, un!" Deidara cried.

"Calm down," Sasori ordered, taking charge. "Everyone but Zetsu will go. Zetsu, stay here, let Pein and Konan know what's happened, then grab Tobi and meet up with us."

"Sir yes sir," Zetsu replied, saluting the artist before running off.

"Good. Now let's go."

-m-

Kakuzu had been wrong. The smoke wasn't coming from somewhere near Hidan's place. It was coming out of Hidan's place.

When they got there, the house was ablaze, and the firemen didn't appear to be doing anything about it. "What the hell's going on?!" Kisame demanded.

"It's those religious fanatics," a passing fireman stated. "We're trying to put out the fire, but they're blocking us off. Something about the destruction pleasing their god, I think."

"I don't see Hidan or Itachi," Sasori said, looking over the group of zealots.

"There might be more people in there," the fireman went on. "The doorway collapsed, so if anyone's inside, they're trapped."

"Shit!"

"What now, un?!"

"I'll get them," Kakuzu said. Before his friends, the firemen, or the zealots could stop him, he'd run towards the house and burst through a window.

The inside of the house was hot and full of smoke. As he tried to press his way through, something fell off a table and sliced into his leg. He cried out and looked down, barely able to make out a hunter's knife through the smoke. "Of course these people would leave a mess of weapons just lying around," he muttered, pushing on. "Hidan! Itachi!"

As he traveled deeper and deeper into the house, the heat grew worse, and more weapons sliced into him. At one point something fell from the ceiling and sliced into his face, making his cry out. "No way am I backing down without them." He took a deep breath (as best he could in the smoke-filled room) and tried once more to find them "Itachi! HIDAN!"

"Up here!" Hearing the Uchiha's voice, Kakuzu managed to find the stairs and ran up them, stopping in front of a room with a half-opened door. "Itachi, is Hidan in here?!"

"Yeah!" the weasel affirmed. "We tried to get out, but the doorway fell. Hidan got conked on the head and got knocked out. I couldn't carry him out of the house, so I dragged him back up here and closed the door partway to block out the smoke. Not like it helped!"

"C'mon, we're going," Kakuzu said, grabbing the Jashinist and slinging him over his shoulder. "Hurry!"

With Kakuzu carrying Hidan, the two of them were able to make it down the stairs just as the structure collapsed. Kakuzu stumbled over the debris, falling to the ground and getting another deep cut on his cheek. Finally, they were able to make it to the front of the house. "What now?" Itachi asked, choking on the smoke.

"Out the window!" Kakuzu ordered, tossing the zealot through the window before helping Itachi through. Once his friends were out, Kakuzu followed behind.

The weasel decided that there was no sweeter taste than that of fresh, cool after you've been trapped in a burning building. Instantly he was embraced by Kisame, knocking the air out of him. "You're ok," Kisame whispered.

"Can't…breathe…" Itachi choked out.

A paramedic came over to the teens then. "You three. Please, we need to get you treated for smoke inhalation. And your friend there may need some stitches," he added, pointing to Kakuzu.

Itachi felt his heart sink at the sight of the blood and cuts all over Kakuzu's body. "I really am a jinx."

-m-

The police were talking with Hidan and Itachi, trying to figure out what exactly had caused the fire. Itachi mostly answered with monosyllabic words; he seriously doubted the men would believe the fire had been started because he was cursed. "Ok," one of the officers began, "from how it sounds, an accelerant of some sorts was spilled, and something, probably a lighter, set it on fire. That's how it started."

"Did anyone die?" Itachi asked.

"Yeah. One Suzu Uchiha was found in the debris. Relative of yours?"

"An uncle," the weasel quietly answered.

"You have my sympathies," the officer said before pocketing his notebook and walking out. Now Hidan and Itachi were alone in there room.

"What now, asshole?"

"I'm going out," Itachi said.

"Huh? Hey, you can't just leave me!" Hidan called out as Itachi exited the room.

Meanwhile, the others were crowded around Kakuzu, looking at his new stitches with awe. "Do they hurt, un?"

"Kind of," Kakuzu replied.

"Tobi wants to touch them," the masked teen stated, reaching out only to have his hand smacked away by Zetsu. "**Bad Tobi.** Don't touch."

"Sorry Zetsu."

"Hey, I'm gonna go check on Itachi and Hidan now, ok?" Kisame said, walking out of the room.

"Let us know how they're doing, alright?" Pein asked.

"No problem." The shark walked down the hall and turned into a room a few doors down from where Kakuzu was staying. "Hey Hidan."

"Hey," the zealot replied, trying to stab himself with an empty needle the nurse had carelessly forgotten. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Hey, where's Itachi?"

"Hell if I know. He heard that one of his Jashin-damned relatives croaked in the fire and took off. Why?"

Kisame felt his pulse quicken. "No reason. I'm gonna go find him, ok?"

"Whatever," Hidan said, stabbing himself.

-m-

Itachi shut the door to the supply closet. It had taken a while, but he had finally found a scalpel lying in the open.

Rolling up his sleeve, he looked down at the tally marks on his arm. "Time to add one more," he muttered, bringing the knife close to his skin.

BAM

Itachi couldn't hide the knife in time, and a moment later Kisame had ripped the weapon out of his hand. "Itachi, don't do this," he ordered.

"Why not?"

"Do you have any idea how messed up it is to cut yourself like that?! You don't have to carry these scars around, Itachi. Or add more to them."

"I killed them," Itachi muttered. "They all died because of me. I'm a fucking jinx, Kisme. And you know it."

"No you're not!" Kisame protested, dropping the weapon to hold Itachi to his chest. "These things just happen."

The weasel began shaking in his arms. "And what if the next time one of these things 'happens' I'm at home, huh? Tobi's an Uchiha, after all."

"He got thrown out because your family didn't think he was a proper Uchiha, right? It'll be fine."

Itachi's shaking grew worse, and soon his face was buried in Kisame's chest. "And if it doesn't?" he whispered.

"We'll worry about that if it happens," Kisame replied, stroking Itachi's head. "Ok angel?"

"…Ok Kisame."

-m-

By now, everyone but the shark and weasel had migrated into Hidan's room, including Kakuzu. "You're going to have several lovely scars when those stitches are gone," Konan said to Kakuzu.

"I like them," Hidan said, sitting up in his bed to hug Kakuzu. "They make you look smexy," he said plainly.

"I'm going to pretend I never heard that," Pein said, rolling his eyes.

Just then, a duo of Jashinists barged into the room. "Dear Jashin, Hidan, if we'd known you fucking were in there, we'd never have-hey, who the hell are all these people?" a man asked, looking around at the teens.

"My friends," Hidan said.

"They look like heathens," a woman said. "Do any of you believe in Jashin?"

"No," came the reply from all the kids.

"Hidan, how could you-"

"Take it upon yourself to try and convert all these people?!" the man finished.

"Huh?"

"What, un?"

"Konan, did he just-"

"Yes he did."

" Oh Hidan!" the woman cried, flinging her arms around the boy. "How noble of you!"

"Mom, please," Hidan said, looking severely embarrassed.

"The path to converting heathens is fucking long and hard," his father said, looking grim. "Your sorry ass will probably try to give up. I won't fucking allow it!"

"Dad?"

"You are to convert all these heathens, asshole! And you're not allowed back home until you do!"

"WHAT?!"

"You heard him," his mother said. "Convert them, or burn in hell!" With that said, the two left the room.

For a moment, all was silent. Finally, Hidan turned to Pein, a sheepish look on his face. "Any chance I could move in with you bastards?"


	17. Chapter 16

"Hidan, Tobi doesn't think this is being a good boy," Tobi said, looking from the Jashinist to the squirrel that was currently tied to the table.

"Tobi, Jashin dictates that his fucking followers must be destructive! And you do want Jashin to think you're a good boy, right, asshole?"

"Tobi thinks so…"

"Hell yeah," Hidan went on, smiling and handing a mallet to Tobi. "Now smash it."

"**Tobi, don't listen to him,**" Zetsu ordered, walking into the kitchen. "He's just trying to corrupt your innocent mind."

"Shut the hell up."

"**Make me.** Tobi, we're going to the park. **Why the park?** Because we need fresh air. **I hate fresh air.** Do you want to come, Tobi?"

"Yes Zetsu!" Tobi exclaimed, tossing aside the mallet and glomping his friend.

"Good boy," Zetsu said, petting the masked teen's head as they walked out of the room.

"Oh for Jashin's sake…fine, I'll do it," Hidan muttered, grabbing the mallet from the ground and raising it to smash the squirrel.

"Don't you dare," Kakuzu ordered, grabbing it out of the Jashinist's hands. "Squirrel blood stains the floor, so we'd have to pay for a cleaner."

"Jashin dammit."

-m-

"Come on, un," Deidara growled, tugging the brush through his hair. Today was looking to be a bad hair day. After the brush got caught for the fiftieth time, Deidara had finally had it. "Fine, be that way, un!" he cried, ripping the brush through his hair in frustration.

Sasori noticed the problem and walked over, plucking the item from Deidara's hand. "You're going to rip all your hair out if you keep that up, brat."

"Don't call me brat, un!" Deidara hmmphed and walked over to their bed. "My hair's a mess, un! I'm just going to stay in bed all day," he declared, ducking under the covers of the bed.

Sasori rolled his eyes and walked over to their bed, throwing back the covers and sitting down near the blonde. "Dei, get up."

"Not while my hair's a disaster, un!" Deidara cried, tugging his locks in frustration.

"Do you want me to help?"

Deidara looked at Sasori, surprise all over his face. "Un?"

"Well?"

"Um…" Deidara wasn't sure how to answer. Sasori's hair was a lot shorter than his, and the sculptor had a very tender scalp. There was a good chance he'd be in even worse shape if Sasori was allowed to work with his hair. "Sure, un." Wait, what?!

"Ok, sit up," Sasori ordered, kneeling.

Deidara did as instructed, sitting with his back to the redhead. "Farewell, cruel world. I knew ye well." He shut his eyes, tensing for the incoming pain.

Much to his surprise, there was no pain. Deidara slowly opened his eyes, body relaxing. This actually felt…well, pretty good.

The redhead seemed intent on getting the knots out without causing the blonde any pain. This meant that he was taking his time, probably longer than he needed to. "Alright, now turn around," Sasori ordered. Deidara obeyed the command and spun around, sitting so that he was now facing Sasori.

The Akasuna was biting his lower lip, a look of concentration on his face. He ran the brush through a patch of hair, then used his free hand to finger-comb the locks in an effort to catch any remaining tangles. Finally, he pulled up a portion of Deidara's hair and tied the trademark ponytail. "There," he said, leaning back to admire his handiwork.

Deidara, however, had other plans. He lunged forward, wrapping his arms around the puppet master's chest, knocking them backwards. "OOF! Deidara, I just fixed your hair!"

"I don't care," Deidara said, snuggling against Sasori. "Just fix it again, un."

"I'm not your hairdresser, brat."

"Nope. Just my danna, un."

-m-

Pein was walking through the house, in search of writing supplies. "Where the heck did Kakuzu store the paper?" He turned the corner and entered the kitchen, where Kisame and Itachi were, well, "occupied". "THE KITCHEN TABLE IS NOT FOR MAKING OUT!" Pein snapped, glaring at the two teens.

Kisame pulled away, allowing Itachi to sit up. "What's the big deal, Pein?" the shark asked. "It's not like you've never seen us make out before."

"No duh. I see you two make out everyday," Pein replied, looking around the counter for paper and pencils. "But a table is for eating, not kissing. If you want to make out, take it to your room."

"With pleasure," Kisame said, scooping the weasel off the table and exiting the room. Pein rolled his eyes and continued his search, finally stumbling upon the sticky notes and a pencil cup.

Seeing a note beside the items, Pein picked it up and brought the note to his face to read it. "Attention, all house members. In an effort to conserve paper, we are replacing all notebook paper with cheaper sticky notes. ("WHAT?!") Furthermore, each person is only allowed three sticky notes a day. ("You've got to be kidding.") We are not kidding. ("Ok, that's just creepy.") Don't even think of disobeying this rule; we will find out."

Pein rolled his eyes and replaced the note, turning to the pile of sticky notes. He pulled off three, and then stopped. Looking first to the left, then to the right, he reached forward, grabbed the fourth piece-

BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEP "**Put down the sticky note. I repeat, put down the sticky note.**"

"Why didn't Kakuzu just buy regular paper instead of an alarm system?" Pein groaned.

-hours later-

"I, Pein, being of sound body and unsound mind, do herby declare this my last will and testament…" The leader was having a rather difficult time writing his will, since he was limited to the three sticky notes he'd been allowed to take from the kitchen.

He heard the door to his room open, then close. "What are you doing?" Konan asked, walking over to him.

"Writing my will. It seemed a bit more appropriate than a suicide note," Pein replied, trying to figure out what the heck he wanted to leave to Zetsu.

"Why?"

"Because those notes usually tell people why you killed yourself, and I think the answer to THAT question is pretty obvious for me," Pein answered.

"Pein, it's not that bad," Konan said, rubbing her boyfriend's shoulders.

"Not that bad? Not that bad!?" Pein stood and walked over to the door. "Have you heard what's been going on for the last few hours?!" Not even waiting for an answer, Pein threw open the door, allowing the noise from downstairs to filter into their room.

WHAM

"Jashin damned squirrels, get your asses back here!"

BANG

"Hidan, why the hell did you try to sacrifice squirrels!?" Kakuzu demanded.

"They please Jashin! Look out dumbass!"

CRASH

"I smashed one!"

"Save the body. **I can make good bacon out of that.**"

"Here's another! Stand back, un!"

BOOOOOM

"Zetsu, the squirrel went splody!"

"If you need me, I will be throwing myself off the roof," Pein informed Konan, walking out of the room.

Konan walked down the hall to Kisame and Itachi's room, knocking on the door. "Kisame? I need your help."

"Is Pein trying to kill himself again?"

"Yup. This time it's the roof."

She heard several thumps, and a moment later Kisame was at the door. "We've gotta lock him up," Kisame said, leading the way to the roof. "The neighbors are starting to complain."


	18. Chapter 17

_T'was the day before Christmas, and not all was well,  
For an Uchiha named Tobi was raising holiday hell._

"Zetsu!"

GLOMP

"Zetsu, we need to pick out Christmas ornaments!" Tobi chirped, puling the man to his feet. "Pein said Tobi could get some for the tree, since Tobi's been such a good boy!"

"Tobi, we will leave as soon as I take down my laundry. Damn you Kakuzu," Zetsu growled, pulling his semi-dry laundry away from the fireplace.

_The laundry had been hung by the fireplace to dry,  
After Kakuzu determined the clothes dryer made the power bill too high._

"And then we can go see Santa, right?!"

"Tobi, aren't you a little old for-"

"PLEASE?!"

"Alright."

GLOMP

-m-

_The artists were nestled in the attic, at work on their art,  
Determined to make each other true gifts from the heart._

Sasori was chipping away at a small puppet in front of him, careful to make sure he got every detail perfect. It was far too late to start on a new work of art if he messed up on this one.

The Akasuna was grateful that Deidara was being quiet, for once. He attributed this to the fact that Deidara was hunched over something on the other side of the room, not even bothering to look up and see what Sasori was doing. The puppet master went back to his puppet, now sanding down its face. He hoped Deidara would like it.

-m-

_And Pein and Konan, bundled up in quilts and fleece,  
Were trying to sleep in, and enjoy a bit of peace._

"It's way too quiet," Konan muttered, snuggling closer to her boyfriend. On cold winter mornings like this, it was extremely nice to have a nice guy in bed beside you to rob body heat from.

"Shh, you're going to jinx it," Pein replied, kissing his girlfriend lightly on the forward.

"Pein, you're being ridiculous-"

_When up on the roof there came such a noise,  
Pein leapt out of bed, to scold a few teenage boys._

The Akatsuki leader stormed down the hallway, muttering to himself as he climbed up the stairs, up the attic ladder, brushing past Deidara and Sasori to open a window.

_Pein opened the windows, prepared to scream and shout,  
As he leaned through the window to see what the racket was about._

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Hidan and Kakuzu were standing beside a large cauldron, Kakuzu stirring as Hidan managed the flame beneath it. "Hey Pein," Kakuzu called out, not looking up from what he was doing.

"What's up, asshole?"

"Why are you two on the roof?! And what is in that thing!?" Pein demanded, pointing to the cauldron.

"Oil," Kakuzu said. "We're trying to keep the carolers away. Accursed freeloaders; always asking for cookies or eggnog for singing a few songs…" he shook his head, stirring more rapidly.

"Mind telling me what just fell from the roof?"

"Must've been some of the Jashin-damned firewood," Hidan said, peering over the edge. "Damn, I'm gonna have to-WHOA!"

CRASH

_Hidan lay in the snow, staring first at his leader, then his boyfriend,  
As he began dusting off the powdery white water that clung to him. _

"Jashin damn this snow!" he finally called out, making Pein shake his head and duck back inside the house.

_Pein strolled down the stairs, and what should he see?  
But a shark and a weasel, decorating a Christmas tree.  
Noticing that the two men looked positively pale,  
Pein knew in a moment this must be blackmail._

"Do I even want to know why you're doing this?" Pein asked, watching the duo wrap a string of lights around the plant.

Zetsu told us to put the lights and tinsel on the tree before he and Tobi get back, so they don't have to worry about Tobi ruining that," Kisame explained.

"We thought it best not to argue with Zetsu," Itachi added, connecting two strings of lights together.

"Good call," Pein said, leaving the two to their work.

-that night-

Everyone was gathered in the living room, finishing a few last-minute Christmas preparations. "Danna, I made the cookies, un!" Deidara called out, bringing a plate of severely-charred baked good into the room.

"Do you people have any idea how much these Christmas lights are costing us?" Kakuzu asked.

"At least we nailed those Jashin-damned carolers. Damn heathens," Hidan muttered, shaking his head.

"My head," Pein growled, rubbing his temples.

Anyone want eggnog?" Kisame asked, walking into the room. Pein took a cup, sipping it as he watched Zetsu and Tobi decorate their tree

"It's done!" Tobi cried, looking proudly at the tree he and Zetsu had decorated.

"Tobi, say thank you to Pein for letting us buy the ornaments".

"Thank you!"

"Tobi, no!"

GLOMP

_Faster than a falcon flying through the air did Tobi soar,  
Glomping his poor leader, sending them both to the floor._

Everyone was quiet, staring at the pierced man, who was now covered in eggnog. Tobi immediately climbed off of him, scared for his life.

The auburn-haired man rose to his feet, took a deep breath, and-

_"Zetsu, Tobi, Deidara, and Sasori!  
Kakuzu, Hidan, Kisame, and Itachi!  
To the upstairs, right now! Go to your beds!  
Konan, where's my Advil? I need it for my head."_

Konan rolled her eyes and grabbed the teen. "C'mon, honey."

_The teens were all frozen, fear in their eyes.  
They were all silent, happy their still had their lives.  
So into her room, Konan did go,  
With her boyfriend and a bottle of painkillers in tow._

"I can't wait for this to be over," Pein said.

"You love Christmas," Konan reminded him.

"Not when no one else around here listens to me!"

_And then, very softly, Pein heard from the hall,  
The sound of each teen obeying his call.  
And with those soft sounds, Pein's heart gave a jerk.  
This hateful, bossy mood of his just wouldn't work._

"Konan, there's something we have to do." Before the girl could ask, Pein ducked into his closet, emerging moments later.

_He had jeans on his legs, and a coat wrapped around.  
"Come on," he said, "We're going to town."  
His eyes-how they burned! So late this night.  
Filled with the desire to do something right.  
Konan's little mouth was drawn up in a smile.  
"You really had me worried for a while."_

The two teens quietly snuck down the hallway, ducking into their car, quietly turning on the engine. "Where are we going?" Konan asked.

"I know a few places for last-minute shopping," was all Pein said.

-m-

_Deidara's golden hair was spread out on his pillow,  
Encircling his head like a gorgeous halo.  
Sasori could see the sculptor's closed visible eye,  
That lit up when he laughed like stars in the sky._

For some reason, the redhead couldn't tear his eyes away from his beautiful, sleeping boyfriend. "Danna, why are you staring at me, un?" Ok, scratch the sleeping part. He looked up at Sasori, eyes full of worry for the artist. He sat up in bed, moving closer to his danna. "Did I do something, un?"

_If he wasn't an angel, he could pass as an elf,  
The though made Sasori smile, in spite of himself  
The Akasuna did smile, and shook his head,  
Letting the blonde know there was nothing to dread._

"I'm just impatient. I want it to be tomorrow, so I can give you your gift."

Deidara looked at Sasori, then turned to the little table they had next to their bed. His eyes immediately fell on the digital clock. "It's one in the morning, un. We don't have to wait anymore, if you don't want to, un."

_They spoke not a word, but rushed to their hiding places,  
returning with presents in hand, and smiles on their faces.  
They soon exchanged gifts, hearts pounding with glee.  
No more wondering about the gifts; at last they could see!_

Sasori went first, unwrapping the gift with the utmost care. His eyes widened as he reached inside and pulled out a small scorpion, every detail perfectly sculpted. "it's beautiful, Deidara," he whispered.

"Thanks, un. Now for mine!"

As Deidara began unwrapping his gift, Sasori felt a bit of embarrassment rise in him. "If you don't like it, I'll understand. I wasn't really thinking when I made it-"

"It's danna!" Deidara exclaimed, looking down at the little puppet in the box. Sure enough, the doll was a perfect replica of Sasori, right down to the red hair on his head and the bored look on his face.

Sasori was feeling extremely embarrassed by now. "Dei, um-"

"It's so cute, un!" Deidara cried, hugging the doll to his chest. "Now I'll always have danna around to hug and love and I'll never have to worry about annoying this one, un!"

"That was the idea," Sasori admitted, making Deidara's smile even wider.

Suddenly, the teens heard a noise on the stairs and turned to see Itachi looking at them. "You guys need to come downstairs now."

"Why?"

"Trust me. If I told you, you wouldn't believe me." Curious, the two teens followed the weasel down the stairs and into the living room.

_Pein sprang to his feet when the trio came in.  
"Sorry, this couldn't wait," he said with a grin._

The teens stared. The room had been decorated from ceiling to floorboards in Christmas décor, and they could smell cookies being made in the kitchen. But what really caught their eye was the fact that the bottom of the tree now had presents stuffed under it.

"What…the…" was all Sasori could say. The others were completely speechless.

Pein merely shrugged. "What can I say? I was struck by the holiday spirit."

"I can't believe this," Hidan growled. "Dragging my ass outta bed for some heathen holiday, with their cheap-ass gifts and-"

"Some of those presents are yours, Hidan."

"Gang way!" The Jashinist cried, diving into the pile of presents. He and Tobi quickly sorted the gifts, hurling the presents at the person they were for. After passing out all the gifts, Hidan noticed the little puppet on Deidara's lap, which the blonde had forgotten to put up before he had come downstairs. "You assholes have Christmas a little early?" Hidan asked. "Want me to take one of those Sasoris off your hands?"

Deidara hmmphed and moved closer to Sasori. "My dannas."

"Pein, we got a gift for you too," Kisame said, bringing a box forward to their leader. Everyone watched in eager anticipation as Pein opened the box to reveal eight bottles of Advil and a pair of earplugs.

The leader smirked. "Thanks," he said.

"And now for my gift," Konan stated, holding up a sprig of mistletoe over the two of them, kissing her boyfriend happily as the others went back to their gifts.

_Pein leaned back on the couch, enjoying this peaceful sight.  
"Merry Christmas," he whispered, snoring as he went out like a light._


	19. Chapter 18

-the next day-

Pein walked into the kitchen, looking around. The rest of the housemates were eating breakfast, sitting or standing wherever they could find room. "Everyone, can I have you attention?"

"No." Smartasses. "Look, I'm calling a meeting in the living room in five minutes-"

"Please tell us you didn't forget Konan's supplies again," Sasori said, the rest of the group echoing his pleas.

"Nothing as severe as that. But we still need to talk." Pein then walked over to the stove, peering down into the skillet. "What exactly are you people eating?"

"Squirrel bacon," Zetsu replied, munching on a piece of meat.

-m-

It was amazing how many people you could fit on a couch if half the guys sat in someone else's lap. Kisame was sitting on one end with Itachi on his lap, while Kakuzu and Hidan sat on the other end. Deidara had stretched himself out on the back of the couch, head resting against Sasori, who was occupying one armrest. Tobi and Zetsu had been banished to the easy chair, and the masked teen was chatting up a storm, eager to see what was about to happen.

Konan and Pein finally entered the room, Pein looking nervous as he and Konan stood in front of the coffee table. "Everyone, can I have your attention?"

"No."

"Listen up or it'll be the last thing you ever do," Konan growled. Ok, now they had the freshmen's attention.

"There's a reason Konan, Zetsu and I were helpful to the seven of you when school started-"

"What, you bastards didn't do it out of the goodness of your Jashin-damned hearts?" Hidan called out sarcastically.

"We actually sought you seven out. Itachi's already aware of the story-"

"When the hell did weasel find out?!"

"Why did you think we agreed to take Tobi in?" Pein asked. The group remained silent; that explained the suicidal choice Pein had made. "Look, we picked you guys out because from what we could tell, you were social outcasts-"

"Were you stalking us, un?!"

"Actually, we pretty much just flipped through a few yearbooks and picked you people out, but more on that later. The reason we picked you out was more or less to form an organization."

"What kind of organization?" Sasori asked. "Are we supposed to reform ourselves and go around doing good deeds or something?"

"**Think more like the mafia,**" Zetsu suggested.

"Basically, I want one thing out of this group," Pein said. "Control. Being able to manipulate things from behind the scenes. Power that's hidden from plain sight. Making our presence the cause of fear in students, teachers, store owners, or anyone that has half an idea of who we are."

"As poetic as that sounds, what's in it for us?" Kisame asked.

"Security. Acceptance. The ability to manipulate anyone who's ever wronged you, and make sure that it doesn't happen anymore. Good enough?" Pein question.

"You people took in Tobi, so I really can't refuse," Itachi said.

"I can't risk losing a home over this," Kisame said. The others were in agreement; if it was between joining some secret group and living under a turnpike in a cardboard box, they'd take the first choice.

Pein cleared his throat before going on. "Alright, you guys have agreed to be in my group-"

"Does this thing even have a name?" Kakuzu interjected.

"It's annoying as hell to keep saying, 'the group' or 'the Jashin-damned organization'," Hidan added.

"It's called Akatsuki, and that name is final," Pein said. "In order for the Akatsuki to be effective, we have to break it into smaller pairings. Each one of you will have a partner." He looked around the group, eyeing each person carefully. "Ok, originally we were going to divide you into pairs once we got everyone together, but I think it's pretty clear who's going to be with whom. Sasori and Deidara, Kisame and Itachi, Kakuzu and Hidan-"

"Wait, why are you in charge, un?!" Deidara suddenly cried out. "Shouldn't we vote on the leader?"

"Deidara, I will put this in terms you can understand," Pein said. "Being leader involves taking care of the Akatsuki as a whole. Which involves managing Konan when she's PMS-ing. If anyone's willing to take over that job, speak up now." The room was as silent as a grave. "I thought so.

Look, all you have to do is keep your partner in check. If you want to blow anything up, set something on fire, violently maim someone, or anything like that, check with them, then me, alright?"

"Is that it?" Itachi asked.

"Pretty much."

"One more thing, off topic," Konan said. "I think we need to make a few house rules. Before the cops come in here and arrest us all," she added, seeing the protests that were about to be voiced. She grabbed a notebook and a pen, before sitting down on the coffee table. "Ok, who wants to start?"

-20 minutes later-

"Ok, here are the rules," Konan said, looking at the list. "Deidara is not a girl, and shall not be addressed as such. On that note, Kisame is not a fish, Itachi is not a weasel, and until we figure out what Tobi is, he's just Tobi.

No setting off bombs in the house. No bleeding on the carpet. No emo corners. If we don't ask Zetsu about his 'food', he does not tell us.

Ok…no sacrifices in the house. No live animals in the house. Don't touch Pein's Advil. Kakuzu, don't be so cheap with the groceries. No touching my chocolate. EVER.

Finally, what you people do in your room on your own free time is your own business. Just make sure the door is shut and you try to be quiet, ok?" She looked to the group. "Anything else?"

"No touching Tobi's mask!"

"Ok, I'll add that."

"Are we all good now?" Pein asked. The teens nodded their heads. "Good. Then tomorrow, we attack at dawn!"

"But isn't tomorrow Sunday?" Sasori asked.

"And school opens at 7, right, un?"

"Déjà vu," Konan muttered, watching her boyfriend slump in defeat.


	20. Chapter 19

-Monday, 7:04 a.m.-

"You all know what to do, right?" Pein asked, looking at the teens around him.

"Yes, un," Deidara said, Sasori nodding with him.

"Hell yeah," Hidan answered beside Kakuzu.

"Hn," Itachi replied, earning a grin from Kisame.

"Everything's set. **So don't screw it up,**" Zetsu added.

"Alright. Operation Revealing Akatsuki is underway!"

"**Konan-**"

"I know. I'll come up with the next plan's name."

-7:12a.m.-

"TOBIISAGOODBOY!"

Sasori chased the Uchiha across campus, a grim look on his face. "Tobi, get back here!" he ordered.

The teachers nearby heard the noise and instantly joined the chase. "Hey, stop!" they called out, deserting their posts. As soon as they were gone, Hidan gave the signal, and the rest of the Akatsuki snuck into the school. Pein and Konan took off towards the principal's office, Itachi and Kisame headed down the hall main hall, Zetsu made a beeline for the administrator's office, and Deidara was headed straight for the gym. Meanwhile, Kakuzu and Hidan stayed on the front steps of the school, prepared to head off any returning teachers. Their plan was underway.

-7:20a.m.-

Deidara grinned as he looked around the empty gymnasium. "Ok, there's not much holding this place up, un. Just gotta take out a few support beams." He set his bag down, pulling out a small spider sculpture. "Then again, not much can stand up to true art, un."

-7:26a.m.-

Zetsu cracked his knuckles, grinning at the computer before him. "Ok, time to alter a few records. **Hehehe…**"

-7:32a.m.-

Hidan looked across the campus, smacking Kakuzu on the shoulder. "They got him. Damn bastard, I knew we should've given him more sugar…"

"Ok, time for our distraction. Ready?"

"Ready." Hidan took a deep breath and began running towards the drop-off lane, where cars were now coming every few minutes or so to let kids out. He stopped at the curb, then "accidentally" tripped, sending him into the road and directly in front of a car.

WHAM

"Jashin dammit!" the zealot cried out, before collapsing limply to the ground.

Kakuzu rushed to his side, feigning worry. "You bastards, watch where you're going!" He yelled, kneeling down by the injured teen.

A man climbed out of the driver's seat and rushed in front of his car, pale as a ghost. "I-I'm sorry! I wasn't even going fast enough to hurt anyone!"

"Then why is my friend road kill?!" Kakuzu snapped, making the man break out into more stuttering. By now the faculty had forgotten about Tobi and Sasori, instead turning their focus on the injured teen, allowing the redhead and Uchiha to escape into the building.

-7:41a.m.-

"Remind me how you got all these combinations," Kisame said, watching as Itachi opened yet another locker.

"Watching people when they thought I wasn't there," Itachi replied, opening his wriggling bag and pulling something out. "Shh," he ordered, making the bag stop its movements. "You can have your fun soon enough." With that said, he quickly shoved something into a locker, before slamming it shut and walking down the hall. "Come on. We still have twenty preps to go."

-7:43a.m.-

Zetsu hit the ground when he heard the door to the administration office open. "Zetsu, it's Tobi!"

"**Tobi, what are you doing here?!**"

"They caught Tobi, so Hidan jumped in front of a car! Then Tobi and Sasori ran away. Tobi came to get you like he's supposed to, because Tobi's a good boy!"

"So, he jumped in front of a car? **Lovely.** I'm done here, so we can go. **NOW!**"

"Got it Zetsu!"

-7:48a.m.-

"You done yet?" Sasori called out.

"EEK!" Deidara lost his balance and fell the basketball goal, landing right in Sasori's arms. He smiled and hugged the redhead. "My hero, un."

Sasori rolled his eyes and dropped the blonde to the floor. "OOF!"

"Are you?"

"Yeah, un," Deidara muttered, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulders. "Come on. I want to be outside to see this go off, un." With that, he grabbed Sasori's hand and dragged him outside the building.

-7:50a.m.-

"Alright Konan, just drop it off," Pein ordered.

The woman smiled as she slipped a black piece of paper through the mail slot. "Ok, now let's beat it before anyone sees us."

"Right." The two sophomores were gone in a flash.

-7:54a.m.-

Deidara and Sasori were outside the school now, waiting in the front of the building. Itachi and Kisame joined them a moment later, an empty bag in Itachi's hands and smiled on both their faces. "I take it you guys had no problems?" Sasori asked.

"None at all. Tobi did a really good job of distracting them," Kisame said.

"Actually, Hidan had to help with that," Zetsu said, walking up to the group.

"Hidan jumped in front of a car!" Tobi added.

"Sounds like something he'd do," Konan said. By now, she and Pein had rejoined their friends. "Is everything set?"

"Yup."

"Un!"

"**Ready to go.**"

-7:56a.m.-

Itachi was walking down the hall when he bumped into a preppy looking teen. "Watch it, weasel," she snapped.

"You really shouldn't insult weasels," he said calmly.

The girl snorted as she began dialing in the combination on her locker. "Why? It's not like-"

"HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

"AHHHH!" The girl screamed as a weasel lunged at her face, digging its claws into her skin.

"I warned you," Itachi said, walking off as more lockers were opened, furious weasels launching themselves at unsuspecting victims.

-7:58a.m.-

"Ms. Tsunade!" the secretary called, running up to the principal of the school. "Rapid weasels are attacking the students!"

"I know that!" the blonde woman snapped. "That's why I need to get on the intercom and warn the students!" As the principal stepped into the office, she stepped on a black piece of paper. "Hmm?" she bent over, scooping the paper up, opening it to see the inside.

A red cloud was in the center, with the words, "Akatsuki is here," written on it. "What the heck is an Akatsuki?" Tsunade asked. "Hmm?" She looked down and saw a small message at the bottom of the page. Her heart sank at the words.

"P.S. BOOM."

-8:00a.m.-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

The students were quickly evacuated onto the front lawn. All the Akatsuki, save for Hidan and Kakuzu (who were still at the hospital) were grouped together, smiling at the teens' panic and whispered theories about what had happened. "I think this went rather well," Pein said.

"Agreed," Konan said.

"That blast was beautiful, un," Deidara added, staring at the still-burning gymnasium.

"IWA!" A very angry-looking Tsunade stormed over to the group, stopping in front of Deidara. "My office. NOW!"

"What did I do, un?" the blonde asked in an innocent tone.

"YOU BLEW UP THE GYM!" she bellowed, gaining the attention of every student around her.

"No I didn't," Deidara said, shrugging.

"Come with me," she commanded, leading the smiling blonde away from his friends and onlookers.

-8:12a.m.-

"Iwa, you are the only kid in this entire school dumb enough to pull this kind of stunt!" Tsunade yelled.

The blonde merely shook his head, not moving from the chair he was in. "I told you, I didn't do it, un. What proof do you have, un?"

"None, but I know it was you!"

"A lot of good that does you, un," Deidara said, smiling.

"I also know that you couldn't have done this alone," Tsunade added, watching the blonde's reaction. No response. She pulled out the card, holding it up for the blonde to see. "You have one chance to save your hide, Iwa. Tell me who's in the Akatsuki."

"I don't know. But I'm betting it was one of their members who blew up your gym, un," Deidara answered.

Tsunade growled, crumpling the piece of paper in her hands. "That's it, Iwa! This is going down on your permanent record! Or at least it would if we could USE those records!"

"What happened?" Deidara asked innocently.

"_Someone_, and I'm sure you know who, came in here and hacked the system! We'll be spending weeks figuring out who has polio, who's narcoleptic, and which kids are actually pyros! NOW GET OUT!"

-8:23a.m.-

"Well?" Pein asked once Deidara has returned.

The blonde was grinning widely, chuckling to himself. "I think we made an impression, Sir Leader, un."


	21. Epilogue

As time went on, people at Konoha High slowly began figuring out who was in the Akatsuki. Nothing was said aloud, and none of the members went up to people and told them who was and wasn't in it (that could have led to being ratted out), but there were other ways it became apparent.

Like how the kid who laughed at Kakuzu's stitches woke up at three in the morning with Jashinists pounding on his door, trying to convert his whole family.

Or how the guy who called Itachi a girl was "accidentally" bumped into by Kisame, making him topple down a flight of stairs.

Or how the girl who poked fun at Sasori's puppets opened her locker at school the next day and had a paint bomb explode all over her. You know, stuff like that.

Not even the teacher's were safe. One of them made the mistake of trying to take away Tobi's mask in the middle of class. Zetsu caught wind of this and dragged the woman into the janitor's closet to have a little "chat" with her. Ten minutes later the woman bolted from the room, grabbed her things and resigned her teaching position. She hasn't been seen since.

Pein should have been overjoyed. It was now spring break, and his organization had a stranglehold on the entire high school. For the first time in months, he was free to just sit back, relax, and watch the fireworks. So why was he sitting in his room, moping?

"Hey honey," Konan said, walking into the room. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," he muttered, slamming his head against his desk. "I honestly don't know. The house is quiet, nothing's on fire, Zetsu's meals are behaving themselves, and Itachi's not in his emo corner. Not to mention that FINALLY, I have gotten the evil organization I always wanted to build! So what's wrong with me?"

"I have an idea," Konan said as she walked over to her boyfriend, rubbing his shoulders and smiling when she stopped behind him.

"I'm listening," he said, not lifting his head.

"I'm thinking that you're mad at yourself, because you've let these people become more than just peons to you," the female said, smile growing as she spoke.

"Is that so wrong?" Konan started; she hadn't expected Pein to agree with her. "Konan, I wanted an evil organization," he said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Yet somehow…I think I've managed to end up with a family."

BANG

"Tobi knew Pein liked us!" The boy cried, leaping across the room to glomp the leader.

"You really do like us, un!" Deidara cried, joining Tobi in hugging the leader.

"What the-GET OFF ME! Didn't anyone ever teach you not to eavesdrop?!" Pein snapped at the younger teens.

"No, un."

"Besides, everyone else is outside the door too," Tobi pointed out. Pein looked up from the floor to see the entire Akatsuki poking their heads through the door.

"I can't believe that our leader considers us family," Kakuzu said, shaking his head.

"It's sweet, in a creepy way," Sasori added.

"Do you people have nothing better to do than spy on me?!" Pein cried.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" Itachi asked.

BOOOOOOOOOOOM

"What was that?" Pein asked.

"AHHH! My explosives are overheating, un!" Deidara cried, rushing from the room. "Danna, help me, or this place will go off like a Roman candle, un!"

"WHAT?!"

"I guess we'd better help," Kakuzu said, grabbing Hidan and pulling him down the hall.

"Jashin dammit."

"I'm hungry," Itachi stated. "Kisame, come on. We're going to the grocery store."

"But what about the bombs?"

"Hn," Itachi said, walking down the hall.

"Mind translating?" Pein asked Kisame.

"If the house is standing when we get back, the people will be hungry. If not, there's no point in being homeless on an empty stomach."

"…How do you…?"

"I don't know, and I find it best not to question it," Kisame said, shrugging and following his boyfriend down the hall.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM

"ACK!"

"Deidara, I'm going to kill you!"

"Sorry Sasori danna!"

"The Jashin-damned stairs are on fire!"

"The repairs are going to be expensive for this-ARE THOSE SQUIRRELS?!"

**"My lunch!"**

"Where the hell are my Jashin-damned mallets?!"

"Pein…" Konan began, praying her boyfriend wouldn't explode.

The Akatsuki leader merely rose from the floor and walked over to his desk, pulling out a bottle of Advil and popping several pills into his mouth, dry-swallowing them. "You know, I think I'm getting used to this," Pein said, putting up his pill bottle as another explosion went off. "They really aren't so bad, you know?"

"Well, they are family," Konan admitted. "I just wish they could go 24 hours without blowing up the house."

"You're asking for a miracle," Pein said, crawling into his bed. "Wake me up when the mayhem's over, ok?"

"You're just going to sleep?!"

"Yup."

"Well thanks for taking charge, Sir Leader!"

"You're welcome."

WHAM

"Ouch," Pein muttered, rubbing his head as Konan marched out of the room. A few moments later, the sound of her screaming was added to the commotion coming from down the stairs. "Be it ever so hectic," he muttered, shutting his eyes. "There's no place like home."


End file.
